Different like me…

Transgender woman are different

The world is a place full of expectations. From the moment we’re born we are molded by our families loving best intentions, by our friend’s awkward desire for us to fit in to their world, by school and college and work. We’re trained to be the same, to fit into a mold that society cast for us without our consent or intention.

It dawned on me today, as I was learning more about new technologies like earthing, and I considered my journey through alternative healing, that the slightest difference and deviation is shunned. Whether it’s barefoot long haired hippies trying desperately to share their earth wisdom, or the transgender woman trying to find her place in the world – it’s hard being different.

Being different was the inspiration for the Bohemian themed top I share with you today – not only is it different, but it’s fashionably so. It’s own uniqueness has become the quality which draws others too it. It’s not just a cute summer adornment, it’s a bold and courageous declaration of self expression.

Makeup Magic

Being different in a cisgender world

As a transgender woman, one of my earliest desires was to fit in – not just in society, but in my own skin. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, who I am – but everywhere I looked at the time I found people trying to change me. This was many years ago, before I had accepted myself. I clung desperately to the hope that by changing those people would accept me, would love me.

I learnt the hard way that the pastor who tries to change you does so not out of care, but out of a deep fear that you won’t fit into his world view. By fully expressing your light you’ll make him realize the selfish shadow he is casting on his congregation. So he wraps himself in faith and uses the sword of righteousness to cleave your soul in two.

The only defense is to embrace yourself, embrace your difference. I have the blessing these days to look in the mirror with love on the woman staring back at me. It’s a new experience for me – to gaze upon myself with such love and acceptance. To see the perfection of my failures and still smile.

So if your soul is wandering, and society seems hell bent on breaking you. STOP. Breathe. Look at yourself in the mirror. Gaze with love. Let acceptance well up inside for the person you are. Are you a man who dresses as a woman? A woman born as a man? Or anywhere in between – love yourself.

It’s hard. The hardest part of the journey. Let the spirit of grace and goodness pulse within you. It may be weak at first, but grows stronger each time you tap in to it. Yes, you’re different. That’s why you’re perfect.

With love and blessings,
Vanessa

 

More Articles by The Author

The following two tabs change content below.
Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.

Latest posts by Vanessa Law (see all)

Tags:
26 Comments

Leave a reply

  1. tammy Marie 1 month ago

    Wow!Very inspiring and touching.We let the world tell us what to do all the time.We worry about what people think,sometimes people even hate us for who we are and want to be.To me it is still difficult knowing that some will hate me still,no matter what.I sometimes get depressed knowing that I will actually never be able to be my true self.I just wish I had as much courage as some of you girls here.Just once I would give anything to be dressed and pretty and walk out my door to a whole new excepting world………………

  2. gerald platt 7 years ago

    well said,to love yourself you sometime’s have to get out of your head.stop being so critical of yourself.life’s short so never get too uptight about what other people think.

  3. Rswarmergi 7 years ago

    Dearest Vanessa, Thank you so much for your postings. I was able to come out to my wife a few years ago and I’m so glad that I did. I am able to dress as much or as little as I choose. We do have a young child in the home who just really would not understand why her daddy is wearing womens clothes, so I’ve learned to be discrete when and where I dress.  Other than that, I am free to do as I feel. I wear panties 24/7, and will often wear eye shadow during the day. I love myself and I love my wife. She loves having both a husband and a girlfriend all in one package. Please keep on doing what you do, providing a place for all of us to share, and a place for those who are strugling with thier own problems to be able to speak them and find love, support and understanding. Keep up the great work. Love, Ragena 

  4. Sharonmichaels48 7 years ago

    I want to Thank You.  Your words of encouragement have made it possible to be the woman I was meant and born to be.  I may not look like it from the outside ( all the time), but now, because of your guidance, I now think as the woman I was born.. It has given me strength..Everyday I grow stronger as the woman I was meant to be.  I hope someday to find a woman or women as friends.  I’ll never be able to Thank You enough.
    Hugs
    Sharon

    • Vanessa Law 7 years ago

      Wonderful to hear Sharon! Thanks for your kinds words dear.

      Hugs,
      Vanessa

    • Harmanjay51 7 years ago

      HI SHARONMICHAELS,

           MY NAME IS JAYLA CHERI AND I HAVE CROSSDRESSED SINCE THE AGE OF NINE, HAVE DONE 19 YEARS IN THE MILITARY AND I AM STILL HERE WITH MY SLIP SHOWING AS YOU SAY…. I AM PROUD TO BE A CROSSDRESSER, IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE GOOD LORD MADE A MISTAKE IN PUTTING ME IN THE WRONG BODY, WE HAVE TO STAY IN NUMBERS AND FIGHT FOR OUR RIGHTS FOR LARGER SIZES IN THE ARMS AND CUSTOM MADE DRESSES, SO WHAT IF WE GET A HARD ON DURING, IT JUST IS A FACT OF LIFE THAT YOU HAVE TO BE YOURSELF AND THAT IS THE WAY I LIVE, SO LADIES PUT THOSE SHOULDERS BACK, THOSE BREASTS UP & OUT AND BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME !

  5. Staci 7 years ago

    We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away.

    I had to deal with alcoholism and other things many years ago and am sober over 10 years now. I had quit CDing during that time and just recently started back up again last December. Going through rehabilitation years ago, I thought the cd part of me was just the other addictions. Over this last ten years, I can’t begin to count how many times I was somewhere and saw a woman standing there in heels or sandels and thinking to myself, “god I wish I was her in those shoes and painted toes. Look at that dress!” I recently came to the realization that my fem side was in fact all that and has nothing to do with mind altering substances.

    When I wake up in lingerie, i wake up in a good mood and the only part that really bothers me about it is having to go into male mode for work. During these last 10 years before December, I was waking up in male mode and quite pissed off wondering why I wasn’t lucky enough to die in my sleep. I wasn’t suicidal or anything. I just envied those who were happy enough with themselves to face each day the way they want to.

    Over these last 10 years, I didn’t have any fem clothing and the temptation was always there coming from within. I find that the clothes really have very little to do with it as much as what I have going on inside. Since last Dec, I’ve bought hundreds of dollars worth of really nice stuff and absolutely love all of it! The best money I ever spent. Tonight, I’ll be wearing something soft and sexy and waking up tommorow in a pretty nice mood.

    It took a long time to finally accept myself and I want to thank Vanessa and Kathryn and everybody else I’ve read from on this site. I think if I found you sooner, I would have started shopping sooner.

  6. Violette 7 years ago

    It is amazing how much of a difference accepting yourself can make. That
    feeling when you can face the world proud of who you are and unafraid
    of what others will think. For me this made all the difference in the
    world.

    Unfortunately we will continue to deal with others who will not approve of our differences, or will try to mold us as you said into something that walks, talks and acts like them. What do we do about it? Well until we accept ourselves we hide in our houses (or bedrooms and bathrooms while we still live with our parents). We purge our clothes believing that without the means the temptation will go away. We try to avoid talking about things that would out us, and fight our natural mannerisms so that people will believe in the character we have created to face the outside world. We suffer within and thrash around trying to find a way to fit into their mold so we wont have to deal with the torment they dish out.

    As time goes on we realize that that our own reactions are making things worse. By hiding we build an internal feeling of shame. By purging we realize that without the release from part time dressing we build to a breaking point that adds stress to all aspects of our lives, not to mention breaking the bank with repetitive shopping. By holding our tongues we find we want to scream, or that we let slip more and more of what we want to say only to be met by jokes since we have hidden who we really are in the beginning. Finally by avoiding who we are so others will believe us “normal” we start to become the character we have created for their eyes which only causes us more suffering as we see the distance to ourselves growing evermore.

    Thank you Vanessa for this and you many other posts. I feel that acceptance is the most important step in our journeys. No matter where you land in the gender spectrum it is important to accept yourself as you are and recognize the beauty in the differences. Even if you don’t know if you are a cd, tg, ts, tv, or whatever other term you can think of the acceptance of self is indeed the first step in arming yourself against the attitudes of the unenlightened. Acquiring others acceptance is still going to be a challenge especially with the stigmas around transgender in the public past, however once others can see you as you and not as a distant thing life can become more comfortable and at least some of the fears can be washed away.

    • Vanessa Law 7 years ago

      Thanks Violette – what a beautifully eloquent comment – if you don’t mind,
      I’d like to post your article to the main part of Crossdresser Heaven so
      more people can see it – yours are really powerful words.

      -Vanessa

      • Violette Bowhay 7 years ago

        Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Of course you may. Although with comments like that I may just have to start a blog myself too.

  7. Renee_E 7 years ago

    It took a long time for me to find out why I wasn’t accepted by so many different groups.  I never got the hang of conform or your out.  I even believed there must be something wrong with me.  Turns out I was just an individual with non-conforming lifestyle.  Now I just enjoy being me and if I am accepted on a certain level thats fine.  I don”t have to be part of the group, just a traveller in life.

  8. Harmanjay51 7 years ago

    I GUESS I AM THE FIRST TO REPLY TO YOUR WELL WRITTEN BLOG/MESSAGE….IT IS SAID THAT THE WORLD REALLY TRIES TO CHANGE YOU INTO SOMETHING YOUR NOT OR DESIRE TO BE IN ANY FASHION OF THE WORD….I HAVE BEEN A CD SINCE THE AGE OF NINE & MY PASTOR MADE ME THROW OUT ALL OF MY FEMININE CLOTHES & REALLY COULD USE A FEW THINGS IN A SIZE 28…..I FEEL PERHAPS CROSSDRESSERS CAN DO SOMETHING FOR US POOR CD’S OUT HERE BEGGING FOR CLOTHES THAT NOBODY IS GOING TO GIVE, I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS & IT HAS BEEN A PURE STRUGGLE, THE ONLY THING IS I WANT TO CROSDRESS MORE NOW THEN EVER BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLOTHES………..

  9. Mikala 7 years ago

    I realise this is most likely the wrong place to post this but i was trying to find a way to ask you a question.
    I am 20 and i have been secretly crossdressing for years but about a week ago my girlfriend of over a year thought it would be fun to dress me up and now loves having me dressed up and so i basically live as a girl when im at home, my main question is how to find shoes in my size im a size 12-13 mens but in a test i did with my gf i almost fit a size 11 womans and from what i find when i search it soooooo expensive to buy shoes that would fit, any advice would be so helpful.
    Thank you, Mikala

    • Vanessa Law 7 years ago

      Hi hon, try a few places listed here:
      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/store/high-heels/
      Payless shoes may also be a good bet for you.

      Good luck!

    • Harmanjay51 7 years ago

      GLAMOUR BOUTIQUE IN AUBURN, MASSACHUSETTS, THEY SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET TO ORDER FROM,JAYLA CHERI

    • Staci 7 years ago

      Zappo’s.com is the most awsome ever. Another good one is shoebuy.com
      They have all kinds of stuff on sale. I’m a size 12b and I have 22 pairs from these sites.

    • Catherine 7 years ago

      Mikala,
      There are places out there that have your shoe size.  Keep
      checking the internet. Size 13US is not that hard to fit.
      If in U.S. try a place called “Dreamshoes” in California.
      You might even get into an eleven in a slingback.
      Best wishes,
      Catherine

  10. Ces4200 7 years ago

    Great article as usual.  I can really see myself there. I spent 7yrs in couseling and know where your comming from. Thanks

  11. Camile 7 years ago

    I don’t know where I would be without your supportThank you again

  12. Leslee Anderson 7 years ago

    So well said about how we are cast into a mold and everyone should follow suit. Ive struggled with this my entire life and became more of a loner than to be put into a catagory. You were at odds with who might accept you and who wouldnt.

    • Vanessa Law 7 years ago

      Thanks hon – yes, this is such a tough place to be – but there are people out there who will love you just as you are. I’ve been surprised at how many of them there are actually…

  13. Andie Davidson 7 years ago

    Vanessa, you are so right; and I do love being different.

    When I see and feel who I really am when dressed, I am at peace and comfortable. No two ways about it. But being different means I have to be different at different times. In a short while I must become a man because of family. I shall have a weekend retreat away on my own, hoping the others there will be accepting, because I shall take “tokens” with me, like painted nails and some beads. But I can’t be the femme me, because it’s dorm sharing, and where do I fit?

    I find I don’t want to join in male-group conversation unless it’s intellectual, and for female-group conversation I’m likely to be treated as a male outsider.

    Yesterday a most ignorant young man with girlfriend in his car, went out of his way to shout “Hey Mr Transvestite, are you a man?” across a busy road. I felt no emotion about it, but it does remind you that being different isn’t very welcome.

    But you are right; it is a blessing, and I wouldn’t take a “cure” if such a thing were a logical possibility.

    Blessings to you too

    Andie

    • Vanessa Law 7 years ago

      Well said Andie. I tend to think that those who are nastiest are either struggling deeply with their own gender identity or sexuality, or feel more threatened and insecure about our choice to live free as who we are.

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account