I provide here for you a review of my early experiences that may be helpful to my sisters in this group.
It has been several decades since I first ventured outdoors while dressed. In those days, I went by the name Jill, mostly due to the character Jill in Charlie’s Angels, although I actually wanted to look more like Kate Jackson.
My first experience with crossdressing happened trying on my sister’s dress when I was eleven. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, however, I knew I wanted to. Even though it was very risky, what with my family being on the main floor of the house and me being upstairs in my sister’s bedroom, I couldn’t resist. I don’t recall if I took any of my clothes off, but I do remember that feeling when I pulled her dress over my head. Once I had it settled in place, I just stood there, looking down at myself and feeling a great sense of relief.
I next remember wanting to crossdress in my mid-twenties, during my early years in Canada. There was an ad on the Telly at the time for Aviance Perfume. The jingle was something about no matter what kind of a day you have had, it’s going to be an Aviance Night. The video was of a young woman slogging away in the office, then during her Aviance Night, she wore a black dress and looked stunning. Every time I saw that ad, I wanted to be able to do that. After a stressful day at work come home, shower, and once suitably attired have my “Aviance Night.” This was about the time when Charlie’s Angels first appeared on the Gogglebox, and Kate Jackson was making a big impression on me. I in part wanted to date her and to look and dress like her. From what I have gathered, many other crossdressers have experienced similar feelings.
Actually, now as I think of it, it may have been before the show first appeared on television that I started to think of myself as Jill. I do remember that in the early months of 1976, I planned a road trip from Alberta down to Southern Ontario. It occurred to me that I should let my hair grow to shoulder length, have it styled in a very obvious feminine way, purchase some suitable clothing, and make the journey as Jill. In my thoughts, I would introduce myself as Jill whenever the occasion presented itself. However, the mid-seventies, although wonderful years, were not like the times we are living in now. I didn’t know how to go about buying suitable women’s clothing, or how I would get away with wearing my hair in a feminine style in the environment I worked in, let alone explaining it to my friends. So then, I went on the road trip as my usual self. I still thought about the idea of being Jill though, driving my 1970 Dodge Challenger wearing a miniskirt, strappy sandals, and a halter top, my hair shoulder length and wavy.
Some years later, when I was back in England, I remember coming across a short black skirt somewhere and then keeping it in the closet. When the urge came over me, usually when I was stressed about one thing or another, I would put it on and enjoy the look and feel of it as I walked around. This went on, sporadically, with different skirts at different times until I was in my mid-forties when the urge to have more women’s clothing other than skirts became very strong. We had been in Canada since 1981 and at this time, I was married with all the children living at home, so I had to be discrete. In the early nineties, I had a job for a few years that was far too stressful for me, and I think all that stress had more effect on me than I thought. There were also other factors that I won’t go into at this time.
For several months, I dressed at home whenever I got the chance. I would walk around the house and admire myself in a full-length mirror. To be honest, it became very stressful for me not being able to go out of the house and not being able to tell anyone. Then, one day, I became so desperate that I phoned my cousin in England. We had always been very close. I was very nervous telling her, especially describing what I was wearing. However, she said something to the effect of not being surprised that I was taking a walk on the wild side and was very accepting even saying that she looked forward to hearing more of my adventures.
The urge to go out while dressed became overwhelming. I decided I would go into the city, which was about a three-hour drive. I set off with my feminine clothing in a travel bag and changed at a big rest stop. It felt so good to walk around the car wearing my flared skirt, pantyhose, etc.
The experience in the city was not entirely a good one; I still found it exciting and stimulating. After several stops before going right into the city, I parked up and walked along one of the main commercial avenues. A very popular venue with the university at the east end, and a lot of young people around. While walking along, a hollerin’ and yellin’ began behind me. I did not look around. They sounded like they were quite close and shouting, “Look at the tranny! Look at the tranny!” This was accompanied by a lot of whooping and caterwauling. I ducked into one of the stores to evade them. When I came back out, I couldn’t see anyone around who might be the culprits, but when I set off down the avenue, they once again began their harassment. I had no choice but to duck into the next store, this time staying in there for a long time before coming out. When I did, I had no further trouble.
I went into a women’s clothing store, selected a top that I would like to try on, and presented it at the counter. The lady behind the counter was obviously not pleased to see me in her store. She told me that anything I tried on, I had bought. Just as now, women were free to walk into any men’s store, try on whatever they liked, and make the decision whether to make the purchase or not based on that; not me or those like us; not then!
Despite these negative experiences, I still enjoyed the freedom of dressing the way I wanted to and having a day out in the city.
I was in no way convincing. I did not have any make-up, nor did I have much of an idea of how to apply it. My dress style was more suited to standing under a lamp on the street corner than browsing the shops, and I had no idea how to fit in.
Soon, I began hinting at my dressing to my wife. In my mind, I had made enough of them that she would know. Of course, she didn’t. I made the great mistake of employing the “Shock and Awe” technique. I had been in the habit of running up the stairs to get changed before she came home. This time, however, I was set on letting her catch me. She was horrified, and even though the next few days we talked about it, I decided to back off and put crossdressing on hold. I even went so far as to purge all of my recently acquired outfits.
Again, this was in the nineties, a very different time than today.
Aurora Lynnette Eden
More Articles by Lynne Eden
- Halloween: 31 October 2024
- Early Yearnings
- The Point of No Return
- Late Summer Adventures
- Girl Time in the Nineties
Latest posts by Lynne Eden (see all)
- Halloween: 31 October 2024 - November 18, 2024
- Early Yearnings - September 19, 2024
- The Point of No Return - September 11, 2024
- Late Summer Adventures - September 2, 2024
- Girl Time in the Nineties - July 29, 2024
Aurora, I may be the first to comment but I am sure not the last … thank you for taking the time to share your “early days out ‘n about” albeit not a favorable experience… as you mentioned that was the early nineties…
fast forward 20 years, I hope you have experienced a more favorable experience… I know I have.. times have certainly changed
warmest regards, Leonara
Hi Leonora,
Thank you for the positive feedback. Looking back on that first experience, I don’t know how I was able to go out again. However, as mentioned in the article, going out and about was like a desperate need. I just had to learn over time to blend in more.
Aurora Lynnette
Dear Aurora,
Thank you for being open and sharing your early days with us. I feel these stories should be archived as they are important to the history of crossdressers. We have come a long way and should never forget our sisters (like you) whom have paved the way for our current times.
Please do share more of your beautifully written experiences either in articles or the forums.
With all my support and encouragement,
The Bluest Belladonna
Hi Belladonna,
I did have thoughts after I had submitted this article that not so many years ago I would not have thought of sharing my experiences in such an open way.
I like your idea of archiving all such stories and memoirs.
Aurora Lynnette
Aurora, thanks so much for sharing your story. Many of us have had our ups and downs in our cd lives. The world of 30 and 40 years ago was so much different than today. People seem to be more accepting today than back then.
I am out to most in my life. Family, church, co-workers and neighbors.
Have found almost no problems. 40 years ago many would have had problems with me.
Right now life is good.
Cassie
Hi Cassie,
Thank you for your very positive comments. I do hope that by writing down and publishing my experiences on here I will be helping others to feel not so alone.
Aurora Lynnette
Aurora –
Thank you for sharing your story. It is an inspiration to all, as well as a history of where we have been. You are a trail blazer that has paved the way for the rest of us. Continue to enjoy your journey.
XOXO Suzanne
Thank you, Suzanne
I did have some reservations about sending in this memoir, but I am glad that I decided to do it.
Aurora Lynnette
Hi Aurora Thank you so much for sharing your story. Me myself has been compleately out for amost three years. So far , I live in Sweden, I’ve never heard a mean commentary. But instead I’ve gotten a lot of compliments from complete strangers, it never stops amazing me. Only “bad comment" is girls in their teens giggeling when they see me. But I can live with it. When I go into a shop for womens clothing (I don’t even own any male clothes) the shop-assistant asks me if I want to try it on. At work there are a… Read more »
Thank you, Lily-Rose,
You are indeed lucky to be accepted by everyone as your true self.
As far as the teen girls giggling, I wouldn’t worry about that as girls of that age tend to giggle about most things.
Aurora Lynnette
Thank you for sharing your experiences Aurora!
It was much different back in the seventies. Here in the US there were laws in some places that would have had someone like us in jail for being out dressed as a woman.
Thanks for helping pave the way, I admire your bravery!
Love, and hugs,
Lara
Thank you, Lara,
I don’t recall any laws concerning crossdressing in the U.K. or Canada, however, there were such laws in older times.
Hopefully, sharing my experiences will help others experiencing similar circumstances.
Aurora Lynnette
Thank you Aurora for this piece of history. Indeed it was so different back then and these examples are needed to show what it was like for girls like us. It was the nineties when I first started going out but I was lucky to have accepting family that I came out to so had advice on how to look and when it was ‘acceptable’ I went out. It was scary and did get the odd call out but nothing as bad as yours. I made personal decisions that smoothed my path but there were shock and awe moments that… Read more »
Thank you, Angela for your positive comments. As you say, society in general is more accepting these days.
Aurora Lynnette
That was a lovely read, thank you for writing it. I agree it would be nice to have a section of these little histories so they are all in one place. Others must see the journey they are on from other people’s perspectives and experiences. I am sorry you had to endure some negatives, but there seem to be far more positives to make up for them. I have never had any adverse experiences over a similar time frame, but my dressing progressed differently and I was not out in public until later. Plus being in southern California there was… Read more »
Thank you, JJ. I’m happy to hear that you enjoyed the read. I don’t know if you are familiar with them, but in the ‘Seventies there was a rock group called ‘Mud’. They were often in the charts and were very popular. One of the guitarists in the group always dressed more female than male, with hair in a feminine style, earrings, obviously clothing intended for women. One some occasions, and even when taking part in interviews, he would wear a dress. There was never anything negative said about this. In fact, I don’t recall anything at all being said… Read more »
Aurora thank you for your story. Thankfully times are changing. When I came out to my wife she was absolutely thrilled she said she always knew. I wish more ladies like us could be in a relationship like I have
Hi Kelly Ann,
Thank you. I’m glad that you liked reading the story. You are very fortunate to have a wife as understanding as yours.
Do you go on girls’ nights out together?
Aurora Lynnette
We live just north of San Francisco. Next weekend she is taking me out shopping and I will be going out for the first time as a WOMAN I so excited
That sounds like it is going to be great, Kelly Ann.
Thank you Lynne for telling your story. I am 75 and first went out 1978 after visiting Lee Brewster in Manhattan. I went to a party on Long Island and met others just like me. It changed my life.
Hi Terry,
Yes, knowing we are not alone in our desires makes a big difference.
That must have been really good to be out as one of the girls in the ‘Seventies.
Lynne
My 1st time out was a party in a private house about 20 miles from me. One of the 1st persons I talked to was a city fireman. At that time I was a city police officer. Needless to say it was quite an experience.
Hi Terri,
The city fireman was one of us girls then?
I would have loved to have gone to a party like that in the ‘Seventies.
Lynne
Yes, she ended up transitioning
@terrim
I’m glad to hear that things worked out well for her, Terri.
Meeting others like yourself is the best therapy I believe.