En Femme, In Stealth

Unfortunately we can't spend every day presenting as our feminine persona. Whether it's work, family or friends we all have occasion dress as a man. If you're like me, this can be immensely frustrating. When dressed as a man I feel as though I'm wearing a mask that hides my true self. Yet there are many ways to express your femininity without letting your inner girl run wild.

In this week's crossdressing poll, I'd love to hear how you express your femininity in stealth. If you have a way not listed below, please take a moment to share - I know that many of the readers would appreciate learning new ways to be the girl inside, even when circumstances don't allow.

[poll id="23"]

Last Week's Crossdressing Poll

The results from last week's early crossdressing valentine poll are in. Almost half of you gorgeous ladies take the opportunity on Valentine's day to buy yourself some sexy lingerie, while for a good number Valentine's day is about spending a romantic evening with the person you love. Whatever you choose to do on this hallmark holiday - do it with all your heart and look fabulous!

Leave a Reply


  1. Contessa Davis 19 October, 2011 at 07:13 Reply

    I carry my purse where ever I go and I will also wear pantyhose and panties. But I carry everything in my purse. I take it everywhere whether in en femme or in drab. I like me, my nails (fingernails) are always done. I love them and can’t take them off. I will tell anyone who asks why “that’s how I stay in touch with my feminine side. I’m sorry lol doesn’t work here so i’ll just use the word smile. And no I am not gay.

    • Vanessa L 22 October, 2011 at 05:31 Reply

      Thanks for sharing Contessa! It sounds like one of the most important aspects for you is self confidence that you can be who you are. what woman won’t respect your desire to get in touch with your feminine side? :)

  2. Sharon 18 June, 2010 at 01:00 Reply

    As i am unable to go out fully dressed i underdress as often as possible , when i go shopping i wear a ladies top when possible and wear my highheels in the car and
    change them when i get there.I always feel very comfortable underdressing.

  3. Pamela Molloy 14 March, 2010 at 02:00 Reply

    This is silly, but I haven’t got the courage to underdress yet. I am still very early in my transition, and I am Pam at home with no problem and have gone to the shopping center a couple of times as Pam (I felt good doing that), but still haven’t underdressed going out as a male, which is still almost all of the time.

    I want to wear panties and some knee-hi stockings under my male close, but can’t bring myself to do so. I want to be Pam full time, but I need the encouragement to wear the panties full time. As I said, I know this is silly and I so want to be a complete woman it makes no sense to let some fear stop me from what would be the next step. I have been inching little by little towards my true identity as Pam…this is probably backwards from what some experience where they underdress first and then dress completely later on.

    I have made a little step into a major step and feel a little bit foolish about it.

    • Racquel Lynn 14 March, 2010 at 02:12 Reply

      Unusual, maybe, but not silly. We are all different and while there may be some more common ways most of us use to bring ourselves out, there are no rules or standards saying that it has to be done. Whatever works best for you.
      I would say that if you have been out as Pam and are more comfortable doing that than dressing as a guy and wearing panties, then why not just go out more as Pam instead of as your male persona? Maybe you feel silly for that, but it sounds like you may actually be way ahead of many others.

      • Tara 12 June, 2010 at 14:24 Reply

        I wear panties every day(by the way, i found that if u tie a knot just below the crotch on a pair of g-strings, they dont ride up over the back of your jeans and they tend to hold your package more securely) and keep my toenails painted at all times.

  4. Petra Bellejambes 9 February, 2010 at 12:41 Reply

    So glad to come back to this post late now that you have such a good range of terrific comments. I am with Lynn very much on this. With time I find less cleavage (no pun, really, not me) between the person projected when en femme and the person projected when in guy mode.

    Cross dressing has helped me dampen some of the more guy-ish behaviours that I am not comfortable with. I have less of a hang up expressing my natural perspective which seems to be in sympathy with both ends of the gender spectrum, and comfortable keeping a foot in each camp.

    Love the clothes, yes, love the feelings of being en femme, but don’t feel the need to feed the urge with stealth elements when not fully (and fortunately) dressed.

    Thanks for raising the question m’dear.

    Your fan … Petra

  5. darla 8 February, 2010 at 07:48 Reply

    The way I dress is to wear wemen’s jeans. Rider by Lee fits me perfectly. “Misses size 14” is the size I wear for work & size 12 when I want to look sexy. As for bras well I’m not that big yet even though I’m doing hormones so I tend to ware one that fits me (AA) that way it is not that noticisable .

    • Ragina 8 February, 2010 at 15:56 Reply

      I am always underdressed. I haven’t owned male underwear for at least 5 or 6 years. The only exception was when I had weekend drill, and even then I would wear panties under my uniformwhen I could get away with it. Other than that, it’s always panties, and very often pantyhose as well. Of course, I always keep my toenails polished and recently have taken to wearing a bit of make-up as well. Thanks to my loving wife, who is willing to help and teach me whenever I have a question or a problem with what to wear, I can be femme and still be able to get around in the male world when I need to.

  6. Patti 5 February, 2010 at 07:44 Reply

    Really interesting topic…

    And it has me asking the question – Are our behaviors learned or inherited?

    All through our lives, we are taught how to behave by what sex we were born as. Men act masculine and women act feminine. We’re told that boys do not play with dolls, boys don’t cry, boys don’t wear girls clothes, being expected to be the provider and much more.

    If we feel differently than those norms of societal expectation, we are deemed by society as deviant and perverse miscreants. However, we do what we have to do in order to survive, especially when we are in school. College, on the other hand, lets us open ourselves up due to the liberalness of how college culture is that we were not afforded before and allows us to explore ourselves in a non-threatening atmosphere.

    Most of us, either due to family or society, usually tend to go stealth with family and friends out of fear of what they will think of us. We go stealth with them out of fear that they will abandon us after leaving ourselves open and vulnerable. For that reason, we choose to be stealth.

    There are some situations in which I will be en femme and others that I absolutely just cannot be en femme and must be entirely stealth. My wife’s family, and even the church we go to, there is absolutely no possibility of me remotely being en femme. So, out of respect for them, I choose to remain stealth. But, I would still love to go to church in a conservative outfit where I am comfortable so I can just be myself.

    If we are around most of my family, they could careless what I wear and probably would compliment me on my outfit that I am wearing.

    Unless we are alone in our lives, no significant other, a very small family, only a couple of friends, and an employer who doesn’t care what we wear would we truly be able to be ourselves.

    I have to make a conscientious choice to be one or the other, or just down the middle into androgyny, neither femme or masculine.

    I am one of the lucky ones… I have androgynous features. I look good both as male and female. My adams apple does not show, my hands aren’t dainty, but not large either, I can change my voice on a whim from male to female and back again without batting an eye.

    En Femme or Stealth? I choose when the situation calls for one or the other.

  7. Sally 2 February, 2010 at 18:15 Reply

    Stealth mode… not really. I have always got a bright color polish on my toenails. I have clean, smooth arms and hands… I wear stort sleeved shirts (uniform, work provided) for both of my jobs. My finger nails are shaped and can vary from short to about 5mm (1/4″) long… I am a personal care worker and work at a petrol station, very much in the publics view. No one has commented on any of these. And I dont see the need to have answers, just in case. Its me and thats how I appear… LOL

  8. Gabrielle 2 February, 2010 at 15:03 Reply

    An interesting topic, Vanessa. There is such diversity among crossdressers. It pains me to no end how such a diverse group of people are so often lumped together into a single category by non-tg folk.

    This one question is a great example of our diversity. In my case, the masculine and feminine do not overlap for the most part. They’re kept very separate. It’s all or nothing. Whatever side I am presenting, it’s always me, however it is the feminine end of things where I exist at the core. My man-side (presentation of masculine behavior) is mostly something I learned in order to survive and fit in. This (typed communication) is the closest I come to crossing “sides”. In guy mode, I can communicate as Gabrielle, and can do the opposite as Gabrielle. Physically, however, there is no mixing the two.

  9. Sandy 2 February, 2010 at 13:28 Reply

    I all most always have on sexy pair fem panties. I always wear a piece of fem jewerly be it a chain or pendant or ring. It works for me . By the way ladies Fri Feb 5 2010 is national wear red day ( heart ) lov Sandy

  10. dee 2 February, 2010 at 13:18 Reply

    I dress fem daily not only wearing pantyhose or thigh high stockings and garter belt daily – I also almost daily wear fem jeans- polo top (short and long sleeve)- womens new balance foot wear. I also get full body waxing Tri monthly (now hair is thinner, finer or just not growing), I get feminine waxing and facial treatments, use Aveeno and or Nutragina feminine skin product. I get manicures weekly and pedicures 2x a month

  11. Racquel Lynn 2 February, 2010 at 12:38 Reply

    I have not even owned a pair of mens underwear in about 20 years, so I always have panties on. I also have permanent make-up (Eyeliner and full lip color in Magenta) that really stands out. I also usually wear earrings and jewelry that is mostly feminine. I also have my own long hair. Most of my clothes are puchased in the womens department, even many things that I wear when I have to be in male mode. I always wear womens jeans, and I have a lot of shirts that are womens, but the look can be pulled off as female, borderline/unisex, and sometimes will even work as male clothing. Since I am also a rocker, many of the female clothes I have can also be pulled off as the rocker look. I also have quite a few unisex type of clothes, especially concert shirts and other T-shirts. I am usually in jeans and T-shirt in male mode but also in female casual mode with a little more make-up and a bra with breast forms.
    Of course I have a whole huge wardrobe of all female clothing that is undeniably female that I do like to wear as much as possible. Skirts, dresses, shirts, etc.
    I guess the even when I am dressed the most male I will ever look is when I have to wear a suit. I hate suits and ties, but I wear them when I absolute have to or in situations that seem appropriate (according to everyone elses standards) Such as when I am working certain jobs. I own my own business doing professional video production and mobile DJ, so I do a lot of weddings and other formal/semi formal affairs where I am expected to wear a suit or even a tux. To look good for the business, and to get repeat business, I make the sacrifice. But I still have panties on underneath and usually panty hose, I will add a little light make-up and jewely that is feminine, yet appropriate to the occasion.
    I also practice a more feminine voice and manerisms as much as possible, which kind of went out the window during the 9 years I worked at a bar and had to play disciplnarian and bouncer a lot.
    Having to be stern with a large group of trouble making drunks on a nightly basis for so long kind of puts you a few steps back in coming accross as feminine, but now that I am not doing that anymore, I can get back to being me.
    Of course some of the weddings and other things I do are very casual and some are really great and don’t mind if I wear a dress or whatever I want. Those are kind of rare, but they do happen. I am hoping to eventually have enough business coming in that when I transform to full time female I will be able to afford the loss of business I know will happen and still be able to sustain from the business I get from people who support my female side.
    As more states are slowly allowing same sex marriages, I am waitingfor that to happen in my state because I know that once it is legal here, then my business will not only be booming, but I will have a flood of business from people who will not only allow, but encourage and support me working their wedding as the girl I really am.

  12. Elizabeth 2 February, 2010 at 11:14 Reply

    I answered that I underdress, but I also use feminine movements and gestures, and style my hair if not trulyfeminine, at leat in an androgynous style. Wintertime is easier, because I wear enough over-clothing to completely hide any traces of a bra or cami. I have a pair of Bass boots that have a round toe, and 2″ heel that can pass for an unusually high men’s heel, like motorcycle boots. I find when walking in them, I have to take shorter steps, to keep my weight centered over the heel, or it hurts my ankles. But that folds right in with feminine movements, so it is OK. I try not to swing my hips too much, though; I don’t want to be seen as a “flamer”. Even in warmer weather, unless I am wearing shorts, I usually wear 50 denier black hose, with a 6-strap garter belt. (Two and four strap belts may LOOK sexy, but they really do not hold the hose up evenly enough to feel comfortable.) I also, here again unless I am dressed such that my toes would show, keep my toenails painted. I have always grown my finger nails longer than most men, and have always kept them clean and well-manicured and buffed, but that is not feminine; it is just good hygiene.

    • leona 2 February, 2010 at 11:37 Reply

      I try to dress femm. every day. though most of the time i wear womans jeans. Always a cute top and a bra which does not give to much away. I find that i lean more to the TS. side and try to express that which is within. I always have at least eye shadow and liner. I am coming to that place where i dont really care what others may be saying behind my back. But, i am on disability and do not have to deal with the work place. Elizabeth i purchased the enhancers that you told me about and love them. i can even bicycle with them and have had no problems!!

  13. Cecilia 2 February, 2010 at 10:02 Reply

    I use different way to be in stealth. I let my nails grow longer than a man uses but not to much, also with manicure just enough to look a little more feminine (of course without painting them). And I have removed the hair of mi fingers too. I wear panties and stockings or I sit crossing my legs like a woman.


  14. MELONY 2 February, 2010 at 08:46 Reply

    hi vanessa, i wear pantys and either thigh hi’s or pantyhose, to work, sometimes , i wear a bra, when i’m wearing a sweatshirt or something loose, makes me feel so feminine. i like the idea of wearing a camisole, or half slip though, that might be in the future. i hope i see more ideas here, thanks ladys, melony..

  15. Kathy 2 February, 2010 at 07:53 Reply

    I underdress pretty much every day. I marshal at a local golf course on weekends. The weather was so chilly this past weekend I was able to wear a bra, waist nipper, cami, pettipants, longleg brief and panties. I also had on thigh-high stockings. I was covered up with a hoody sweatshirt all day long. Felt wonderful to be girly while at work. I even knocked some balls around by the practice range and it felt great to be hitting balls while wearing my bra. I nearly always underdress while playing golf but usually stick to just panties and pettipants. It is hard to explain bra straps when your playing partner slaps you on the back after a good drive or when they show on your back when bent over a putt. Anyway, I was bundled up enough at work I probably could have worn my breast forms too! I also keep my brows trimmed neatly and buff and shine my nails.


  16. Stace 2 February, 2010 at 06:36 Reply

    I apparently have feminine gestures (that family members have commented on, not in a negative way, apparently since they found out about me). Esp when I am sitting.

    I also have quite a feminine voice – 50% of the time I get called Mrs on the phone. Everybody outside the close family thinks I’m embarassed by it…


  17. Joleen 1 February, 2010 at 23:22 Reply

    I underdress! I mean I wear everything . I cant wear anything around the house, but I underdress at work. I usually wear stockings, a slip (half or full, depending on situation and mood) and a camisol. sometimes a bra when its cold enough to wear a coat. Feels wonderul. Also feel kind of ‘naughty’ cause I know the guys I work with dont have any idea that I wear a slip/camisol and panties under my work clothes. Yes! I am careful.

  18. Vanessa L 1 February, 2010 at 18:54 Reply

    Hehe :) You certainly can Lynn. Do you present more feminine most of the time? Or is there a definite ‘not Lynn’ mode for you?

    Anna, nice idea about the jewelry. I wear earrings pretty much all the time, though I stick to studs or small hoops when not presenting as Vanessa.

    Emily – blending practicality with dressing – I like it!

  19. anna 1 February, 2010 at 11:31 Reply

    In addition to underdressing (bra/panties/stockings), I sometimes wear innocuous jewelry. If I’m wearing a shirt with a reasonably high collar (a sweater, for example), a necklace is an option, and most people won’t notice or comment on a ring, even if it looks feminine.

  20. Emily 1 February, 2010 at 11:00 Reply

    There are many ways I choose to dress in stealth mode, one of my favorites is the use of hair accessories mainly because my hair is quite long (shoulder length). They serve a practical purpose as well as letting me express my femme side.

    I also have a femme voice.

    Kind Regards


  21. Joanna Phipps 2 February, 2010 at 10:09 Reply

    Smiles, I guess as one who has fully transitioned except for her surgery the poll doesnt really apply to me. I am 24/7/365 in my true gender and it is wonderful. My long suffering and ever patient wife is still by my side and that relationship is getting stronger by the day.

    There is hope, but it also takes lots and lots of time. For you gals just starting out acceptance wont happen in a week, a month or a season if it is going to happen it will be measure in many months (April 2009 til now in my case) or possibly in years.

  22. Lynn Jones 2 February, 2010 at 13:20 Reply

    Do you present more feminine most of the time? Or is there a definite ‘not Lynn’ mode for you?

    If I’m honest, I don’t feel a division between M or F…. Odd as it may sound, I’m just me. Maybe I’m a bit more gruff in bloke mode, but that may just be my job. I’m not like that at home. The real shift is between serious and non-serious

  23. Melani 2 February, 2010 at 14:03 Reply

    I bake cookies, cakes, and cook wonderful meals. I know it may sound sexiest but because growing up my Mom did this , as a child I associated cooking and baking as a feminine thing to do. So for most of my life I have used cooking as a way to supplement my desire to dress when I am unable to. I also under dress and use feminine gestures and movements.I have a pre bed ritual of moisturizing and even use clear nail polish on my toes at all times. But mostly I just try to look at the world blending my masculine and feminine side, this way I can freely interact with others and I am comfortable and complete. No one has seems to notice.

  24. Karen Marie Harris 11 March, 2010 at 21:40 Reply

    I always love to wear panties and panti-hose everyday. Depends on
    how I’m feeling but a very light coat of make-up is always fun.
    Like one of the girls said above, on cool days a bra.

  25. Racquel Lynn 12 March, 2010 at 00:11 Reply

    I always wear panties. I have not even owned a pair of mens underwear in going on 20 years. I used to keep a pair or two around in case I went to the doctor or something, but finally just decided I would just be myself and give them something to chat about after my appointment. lol I used to get mens underwear from my Mom or Dad on birthdays and/or Christmas, but since I woke up in the hospital back in 2004 after an accident with only my shirt and a pair of panties on, funny thing happened. No one had bought me any underwear since then. lol
    I also like panty hose too. But I at least have panties on and usually womens jeans, if no other female clothing I always have that much on. And since I have permanent make-up, I always have black eyeliner and Magenta lipstick on 24/7

  26. Jennifer 14 June, 2010 at 23:28 Reply

    I wear nylon panties all the time and dress up fully during the evenings after work. i haven't "gone public' yet, but that is just a matter of time to me. I love wearing feminine clothing which feels so comfortable to me and natural. My toe nails are always painted and sometimes I even wear a bra under my cloths when I go shoping. I stopped by Cato's Women's Wear the other day (dressed as a man) and told the lady there the two darling dresses I was purchasing were for me. She smiled and asked if i would also like to look at another cute dress and try them on? I couldn't resist so into the dressing room I went and tried them all one. I was surprised how well they fit me. As I made my purchase I told the sales lady I would be back and she said that's great cause they are getting in some new dresses in my size. I was very pleased and happy and will go back. I even purchased a purse from them. I love being a woman and want to be one all the time, but job and family prevent that for now.


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