Saturday, December 19th 2022… Tucson, AZ – I stepped out of my hotel room, a not so swanky extended stay hotel. When I first hatched this plan (to go out in public as a woman) I set some parameters. First, to be somewhere other than my hometown, just to minimize running into anyone I knew. Second, since I would be traveling, I would find a hotel room on the first floor with immediate access to the car. Unfortunately, I had no control over the second part. The car seemed so far away despite my plan to make it a short quick walk. Luckily, it was on the ground floor. I was wearing a sexy blue spaghetti strap cocktail dress with silver high heels, a wig, makeup (probably too much and applied unskillfully), glue on nails, even perfume, and a little purse. Got into the car without anyone seeing me, which was the plan.
I was shaking as I opened the car door, which was not such an easy task given the nails, high heels, and short dress…. but it was exhilarating. And yes, I practiced with the key FOB to make sure I could get in the car without setting off the alarm. I had a physical reaction, shaking… increased heart rate…. I won’t ever forget it…. I thought I would wreck since I was driving with high heels, so I had to exaggerate my brake and gas application as I drove.
I had already thought-out which locations would be best for a gurl out for the first time in what is definitely a conservative state. I looked for and actually searched online for “LGBTQ” locations. I got a variety of places, which included gay bars, adult shops, bookstores, pharmacies, social services etc. I decided to go to a “gay” bar that was right across the street from an adult store. I parked at the adult store, got out, walked into the business and was told it was closing (12:00 midnight).
I next drove (across the street) to the bar. It was a Saturday night so I thought it would be livelier. I bought a club soda. I don’t drink but I thought even if I did this would be the wise choice in case I get stopped by the police in a not so fantasy scenario way. A woman accompanied by a man stopped to tell me I looked beautiful as she left the bar. I finished my drink and went into the men’s bathroom figuring it would be OK, which it was. So, there I am, I put on some more lipstick, and started hiking up my thigh high hose in a men’s bathroom. Ready for the next stop.
When I got into the car, I noticed my tire pressure was low. As I drove to another gay bar the thought occurred to me, I should put air in the tires. It should be easy since the tire pumps are automated, and you just use your credit card and you’re good. Thing is I did not want to bring my credit card with me on my first outing. My little purse had my camera and selfie stick (to document my outing), lipstick, my driver’s license, the room key, and about $40. Again, minimizing the risk of fumbling with so many other things while wearing glue on nails. I looked for $2.00 in change and did not have it. By this time, I had tried two gas stations that were otherwise closed. So, I managed to be out of the car where traffic was passing by. No honks…. No one stopping…. just passing me by …. which was just what I wanted.
Then I figured I’d just get the change from the next place. So, I parked by the air pump, walked (probably sashayed) across the lot 40 feet to the doors. The clerk was the only one in and he was a 60-year-old male who professionally and courteously gave me my change. I walked back to the car, filled up and checked all the tires and so completed my first commercial transaction in a non-LGBTQ establishment.
I did go to a lingerie and apparel shop where they carded me…. which at the time I thought was over the top. However, they did seem to card everyone else. So, I went back to the room and felt very satisfied; the entire experience was exhilarating. I have read other’s accounts of people’s first time “En Femme” and it is so familiar. One gal on this site even went to the same location I went to with a similar strategy, just a different city. I had just been to the same part of town and the places she went to were right along the same street as when I visited.
I think “wow how much planning goes into this practicing”…. Hopefully this is something that will change for me as time goes on. Since my first time I have gone out “En Femme” on at least 9 or 10 occasions, to include driving from city to city, taking a trolly car ride, eating in restaurants, shopping at large chain grocery stores, pharmacies, and clothing shops. I have even gone out in my hometown although I was far more guarded. I was in Dallas recently and instead of looking for the closest parking space I parked in the furthest, then into a busy lobby up to my room.
I have not told anyone I know about this experience. Yes, I shared it with others online anonymously, but now that I have found Crossdresser Heaven, I know there is a purpose to write down my feelings and experience. It is a personal choice which you don’t have to rush into. Plan it out, think about what you are willing to risk then make your choice. When you turn that handle and close the door behind you, you step into a different world. Exhilarating, breath taking, exciting. If you choose to keep the door closed that’s OK too, that is also something for you to share. As for me, I’ll see you out there.
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Everyone remembers their first time. Not every first time is as well thought out as yours. My first time leaving my house fully dressed was far less eventful. I was at home, dressed for the day and at some point, I needed to move the lawn sprinkler. Rather than shifting back to male presentation, I took a deep breath and stepped out the door wearing a tank top and skirt (I didn’t have a wig or properly matched makeup at the time). My first time was totally unremarkable, but something happened inside me as a result. I overcame the fear… Read more »
Hi Diana, thank you for sharing your experience being out and about.. like you I planned the logistics and preparation to make a seamless adventure.. so glad for you that like me found your experience exhilarating.
However, I’ve been out a few times, you’re an inspiration for me and others who may be inclined, to be out and about as our feminine self.. thanks again. Warmest regards, Leonara
Hey Diana, you look stunning and love the story. Gratz on stepping out. Don’t stress the police, they very professional in dealing with transgender (well the Aussie ones are on my 3 encounters). Awesome that you got a compliment from a woman, I certainly take it as an awesome compliment. Hugz, Ally
Oh my, my heart was racing just reading your article. I took my first en femme steps out of my hotel last week. Granted, I only stepped out on the private balcony, but it my imagination it was Grand Central Station. The though of talking and interacting with people is still a fever dream to me. Perhaps soon. Thanks for the inspiration. – Gemma
Diana — Thanks for sharing your story and especially your feelings as you took your first steps out presenting as female in public. The feelings of trepidation often swing to exhilaration and then, as you go out more, to a refreshing and comfortable feeling. So good of you to encourage other sisters to explore their inner women out and about, and to provide some helpful planning advice.
Thanks, writting about also helps getting to a more comfortable place.
Congratulations on your adventure. What a wonderful experience! I can completely relate with your thoughts and feelings as I, too, had been on a similar adventure not too long ago. Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging others to take the step into the outside world.
You look SO hot in that photo, what an exciting night you must have had. My first time was to a local adult book store and I was so nervous and excited the entire time.
Hi Colleen….thanks….I enjoyed reading your profile…hope you get a chance to go out more.