Before I proceed with this article, I want to make it clear that I am so very happy with my life. Being in this place allows me the privilege to observe life from another perspective and one that I have fallen very comfortably into as my life moves further on.

Returning back to this site, also rejoining CDH as an Ambassador and Editor,
I have quickly noticed something that I hadn’t foreseen.

Something I hadn’t picked up on in my own life but can see it so clearly now I am here. Oooh! – good old hindsight, an odd word in itself and one we use that helps us process things we may have overlooked in the haze of daily life.

Some of you may already know me from my past involvement on this site, but for the others who don’t I will give a very short recap of myself to help establish my perspective on what I am about to write: Early life began with me dreaming and wishing I would turn into a girl overnight and awake as my real self. Clearly, that didn’t happen and I spent a repressed life cross dressing and seeking answers about myself. Two marriages and two children later, I found myself in a third relationship that brought me to France. That relationship also crashed and burned. I found CDH at the end of 2016, finally discovering who and what I was, and quickly moved on to transition. One year or so later, giving up CDH and jumping over to TGH, only to part company and focus on my life within a short space of time. My life is now on track, not quite a bowl of cherries, but I am very settled and happy in ways I had not known before.

Juyo Vonsan

And now for Exhilaration!

I understand quite well the life of being CD and all that goes with it, with my knowledge being refined and developed during my time here as an Ambassador and Editor a few years back. I had been back on CDH for just a few of days, but something jumped out at me while browsing parts of the site. It came from articles, posts in the news feed, messages and just about anything I explored. I was seeing the passion and enthusiasm, excitement and universal bond between the members. I saw the Exhilaration that I had also found and experienced during much of my life when cross dressing.

Where did it go?

It stayed exactly where is was! What happened in my case and maybe for others who have followed a similar path in transition – it became modified. When you are not able to be the person you need to be, the moments of transformation by dressing and wearing makeup etc., can have a very powerful and long-lasting impact on your senses and state of wellbeing – it’s no wonder it can be addictive for so many. The feeling that you get wearing such feminine clothing, lingerie, sensual fabrics, heels that put you directly in touch with your female side. Changing your mood, thoughts and actions allowing you, just for a while, to be that woman, feel those emotions, allow yourself to express yourself as never before. Such a range of overwhelming things that flood your brain in a sensual and physical way. Something I truly believe would benefit all men and the world, if they were to experience this for one week of their life!

En Femme Discover Woman Within

Here comes the wave of Serenity It’s a gradual process like many changes that we go through in life, irrespective of who we are. Obviously, I am writing in relation to the kind of life that we know; in my case, moving towards Transition and part of the sister site TGH. This particular concept only revealed itself to me after retuning here and is still quite new, even for me. But, a view point that I found quite interesting, enough to want to write about it. It made me consider why feelings of Exhilaration happened much less now; or did I think of them as another feeling? I have arrived at a conclusion that what I experience now is simply different and is part of the many changes that I have gone through over the past few years. I have found a new freedom, one without the turmoil and conflict that troubled me; I now live every day in a way that makes me happy, allowing me peace of mind and a future that I look forward to.

The moments of Exhilaration have been substituted
with a long-term happiness that has shown me
that life has much more to offer, even at this late stage.

I have re-evaluated my complete existence on just about every level possible which has made me thankful and grateful for the things I have. Valuing the most important people in my life and the love I am able to give and receive.

I am content with the substitution and perhaps a little wiser too

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I began this journey the day I opened my eyes for the very first time. I found this site at a time when I needed support more than any other point in my life. I had chosen to transition after years of internal turmoil, failing to be able understand or accept who and what I was. My life moved on at a pace that I found hard to deal with at times, but I managed. Living alone in the South West of France life was far from simple or easy then. Then, I discovered this oasis online, finding love, understanding and support unequalled to anything I have previously come across. Dare I suggest, my other family! So, why return after leaving about two years back? At the point, my life was moving at a pace that I was just about able to keep up with; everything I had believed, understood and built my life around, up until that point, changed almost overnight. I am very settled in my life now living as a woman, with friends and a social life, all while being the happiest I have been. I am in the medical system here after overcoming many obstacles, now with the hope of surgery this year to complete my transition. I have returned here in the hope that my experiences and knowledge can be of help to others in this community. When very young, I dreamed of being a girl, going to bed at night hoping I would awake as a girl. After realising that wasn't going to happen, I shut down that wish and lived a repressed existence from that day. It took a lifetime of unintentionally hurting myself and others, regretfully! Perhaps that's the one true regret of my life!

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Amy Myers
Baroness
Trusted Member
Amy Myers (@amylove2dress)
1 month ago

Sophie; Thank you for your insights. I joined here early in 2019, and did not know you when you were active here earlier. There is a lot here about my crossdressing history, and won’t go into all of it right now. I’ve found myself in a similar situation. My dressing, and I believe I will continue to be a crossdresser, and not transition, has evolved over the years. From the occasional excitement of wearing lingerie, the incredible high, then sometimes the low from the feeling of guilt. Then I evolved into dressing up completely, learning to pass, and going out… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member
skippy1965 Cynthia (@skippy1965)
1 month ago

Sophie- welcome back- so glad you returned to us here. I think a similar comparison to your metaphor above is the difference and similarity between happiness and joy. Happiness is a transitory feeling that comes and goes like the exhilaration you mention. Joy is a lasting sensation that come when you accept life with all its ups and downs but with an overall satisfaction of life that compares to the serenity you mentioned. Just my two cents worth! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience in a great article!

Cyn

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