Hi there everyone. I know I haven’t been really active on the site, but I had to share this experience with you all.
I’ve kept my dressing a secret from friends and family my entire life out of fear of their rejection and being cast aside. Because of this, although I am bisexual and have had my share of chances, I’ve never shared my fondness for dressing with anyone other than online. I’ve never gone out in public fully dressed, although I’ve worn my femme clothing under my drab male clothing at times. I’m about to turn 62 now and for the past several months I’ve been struggling with the need to open myself up and share this side of me, so about a month ago I decided to call and try to talk to my youngest sister. I started at the beginning, telling her about my first time dressing as a girl for Halloween when we were younger and an incident that happened a little after that. She listened for a minute and casually changed the subject, so I never really got to say anything more before we said goodbye and hung up. I felt more nervous and frustrated than I’ve ever been, wondering if she just didn’t want to hear it, or worse yet, that she was disgusted with me; I haven’t heard from her since.
I still felt the need to speak with someone in my family, so I started paying closer attention to things family members would post on FB to see who I thought would be easy to talk to. A week ago, I decided to reach out to a cousin who has been actively supporting and documenting the cause of racial justice. I contacted her and asked if she could call me sometime when she had at least an hour free to talk and was thrilled when she called later that evening. I told her I had something I needed to share with her and I hoped it would not affect what she thought of me. She “You have nothing to fear here, I love you and always would no matter what it is, so just take your time and tell me.” I started crying a bit and she noticed, saying “Look cuz, don’t you cry and get me started too, I love you too much to hear you hurting like this. Take a deep breath and take your time, we’ve got all night to talk.” And so we did, I told her everything from how it all started to how I have come to peace with both my male and female sides and how much I enjoy them both. She told me that she was honored and proud that she was the one I chose to tell, and that she still loved me very much and promised that she would not break my confidence. Not only that, we began making plans for me to visit, she wants to help me learn how to apply makeup and help me get comfortable enough to take me out for a ‘girl’s night’ out. I’m super nervous, but at the same time I’m looking really forward to being my female self in public for the first time. I could not have been blessed with a better outcome.
Thanks for taking the time to read my personal article.
Sincerely, Ally
Now please take a few moments to send in either a response to my article or an answer to one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below:
- Have you ever shared your secretly held thrill of cross dressing with one or more of your immediate or extended family members and if so, how did the initial sharing of that news with a family member go? Was the family member accepting and supportive or just the opposite?
- Have you ever shared your thrill of cross dressing with anyone outside your immediate or extended family and how did your sharing of your news with that person or people go?
- How long did you keep the secret of your thrill of cross dressing all to yourself before you let the first person know about your cross dressing or are you still staying totally in the proverbial cross dressing closet with plans of soon coming out of that closet?
Ally, I love all these stories of coming out to others. I posted yesterday of how I have now come out to almost half my family. To 2 of my 4 brothers and 4 nieces so far. The response so far is it’s ok and you just need to be you. I even got a big hug from one niece who told me she would have my back! All the great girls here at CDH, every ones stories have been a huge help. The other big push for me was when I accidentally let my X see and I came… Read more »
Hi Sandy,
It’s nice to know families can actually be supportive, especially given the actions of your X. I’m sorry you had to deal with that confrontation, and I commend you for your response to it. It’s always been my biggest fear that if I shared my femme side with anyone, that they would do that very same thing.
Hi Ally! It’s ironic that I chose to read your post on the subject of coming out to family and friends! Just yesterday I told my oldest daughter and my older sister and an ex girlfriend! It all went really well, all nothing but positive comments from each of them. My daughter was especially understanding and very happy I told her. My sister was a little surprised but she quickly got past it. The ex gf was also fine with it although she didn’t much care for my fem name which is very close to hers LoL. They all loved… Read more »
Hello Christine, Thank you for your reading my post. I am sorry to hear about your mother, I understand that feeling as I lost my mother to Alzheimer’s a little over a year ago. I have yet to find the courage to tell any other family members since talking with my cousin, but hopefully that will change. I have never pushed my femme side out of my life, but have kept it very private and only dress when I’m alone at home. My X knew but wasn’t very encouraging about it. Since our divorce I’ve been able to freely enjoy… Read more »
Hi Ally thanks for sharing your story with us x I’m still in the closet to all my family and friends i don’t think i will ever have the courage to come out to my family, I’ve been dressing for most of my life since i was about 8 or 9 years old, I stopped for a while and got married like a lot of people i always thought i was the only one who liked to wear womens clothes, But in the last 10 to 15 years my desire to dress as Rozalyne as intensefide it’s as if my… Read more »
I never came out to any one that i x dress. but for Halloween I asked my niece if she could help me dress up as a female. her reply was sure she would love to. so i took my female stuff to her house, got dressed up in bath room. she did my make up and lip stick, put on perfume, she put on my ear rings. did my face up really well, then she said to me have a great time and i look pretty as a female. went down stairs were family members were waiting to see… Read more »
Hi Ally, I recently admitted to myself that I’m a cd. One day when I was visiting a my Best friend(also ex) I woke up and for some reason I had to tell her about it. She had all the usual questions, I answered them and we just got on with the day. The next day I went to see my family. My mum could tell I was holding something in. Tried to pretend I was just tied after work, she saw right though it. Told her that night, then my sister. The scariest person to tell was my dad… Read more »
Great article! The timing, and your questions have come at an interesting time for me. I have always been open with my wife. Before we got married, even before we were engaged, I told her I was a lesbian in a male body. 9 years later, I asked her what she thought about the possibility of me underdressing. Not a problem. Ten years of underdressing 24/7 went by. A couple months ago, I began planning to crossdress at a cosplay convention and Pride Fest with my daughter. That’s when the pink fog started creeping in. I wanted to do more.… Read more »
Ally, I was so glad to read your article. I’m glad it well with your niece, and it sounds like with her help you will be making a lot of progress. I am an only child, and my parents and other close relatives are all gone now, though I do have adult children. My wife knows and is very supportive and I really want to tell my children, but my wife doesn’t want me too, so I respect her wishes of course. For many many years only my wife knew about my fondness for women’s wear, and I was totally… Read more »
Ally – Enjoyed your post. Well written and informative. Thanks for sharing. I have come out to my wife of course, and several of our friends and neighbors in a previous location. But like you I was careful who I chose to share with. Parents (in their 90’s), siblings, and children do not know. This summer I was visiting with my son, an Air Force Captain. There was a time in his 20’s I thought he was gay, but he married a lovely lady so guess not. However, many of their best friends are gay or lesbian (also service members… Read more »
Thank you sharing, Ally! Your article was touching and well done. Back in 2018, I first shared with a good friend of mine that I’m a CD. This was about four months after I started cross-dressing. He was okay with it and promised to keep it a secret. I kept being a CD secret from my Father for over two years, but on Halloween night this year, I finally had the courage to dress up as a woman, and reveal to him that I’m a CD. It all went perfectly and my “Daddy” has acceptance in his heart to this day! Our bond is inseparable. I… Read more »
Thank you for sharing this story, Ally.
In my case, only few people know about Daisy, including my therapist and the drag queen that stores my girly stuff.
I think it’s gonna be a hard experience for me when telling to parents or family, especially considering what they have already stated about LGBT people. While I’m doing hidden moves towards a move out of the closet, I’m unsure what may happen.
xoxo
Daisy