Don’t let it pass you by, give your femme side some freedom.
As I sit here, I’m thinking of a good friend who is fighting for his life right now. There are all the things he won’t get done. The beloved sports car, which I helped him repair a few years ago, but was put on hold due to other family reasons, might not get finished at all.
Then there are the hundreds of thousands who’ve died recently from this terrible virus, plus all the other maladies humans suffer from. All those folks, who were going about living their lives, making plans for the future, had to put them on hold while trying to make it through today, and now they might not be able to carry on.
A few lines from songs I remember come to mind:
The late Jim Croce’s song, Time in a Bottle, written about his new son. The lines, “But there never seems to be enough time, to do the things you want to do, once you find them.” is surely true. Sadly, for Jim Croce, too prophetic as he died in a plane crash when his son was incredibly young.
Then there’s John Lennon’s words, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”, and Art Garfunkel’s song “Slip Slidin’ away.” I’m sure you can think of many others. Some are clichés’ to describe how fleeting life can be, but when you’re in the midst of everything, it seems like it will go on forever, but it doesn’t!
I’ve reached a fairly happy place after many years of hard work and uncertainty, but I don’t know how long it will last. Recently, I’ve had a birthday, which might suggest I’m now pushing closer to 70. Zowie. I still want to think that senior citizen might be my Dad we’re talking about.
Where I’m going with all of these sad thoughts is how it relates to us here on CDH. I’ve said this before; here we are all the same but also all so different. We have this sometimes irrational love for women’s clothing, and it can cause us so much distress that we often go into denial or repression about it. Often this is simply a way to deal with the pressures it puts on our outside lives and the turmoil inside us when we’ve been conditioned to think that this is wrong and so bad.
However, it never really seems to go away. “She” returns, and we give in. Since I’m borrowing phrases, I’ll use that Biblical expression, “The flesh is weak,” and for me, it certainly is! I’ve never been what you’d call a tough guy, although I can be very determined, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I find it has always been too easy to give into those urges.
I’ve established a high degree of acceptance of my feminine self and have found ways to let her live a bit. Now she has somewhat a life of her own and being here with you other lovely ladies is part of that life. Though I speak of her as if she is an entirely different entity, I accept her as a part of me. She is with me everywhere I go.
Make no mistake, I am still somewhat closeted, and I’m no longer ashamed of this part of me. The circle of those in the know about Amy is slowly and steadily widening. Some might call it fear, lack of courage, or not wanting to upset others in my life, but it is all of the above which keeps me like this.
That being said, I’ve come to a reasonable, compromise in my life. I have a balance between my male and female sides, so both have their moments in the sun, which they need to have. Of course, I’d like to dress more often than I do, so many of us feel the same way, but finding a compromise with your regular life, that allows your feminine side some freedom, just might lead to a greater degree of peace within your life.
Some of you are perhaps living as a woman 24/7, which is wonderful, and I truly admire your courage and determination. I don’t think that is my path. Which matters not a whit as my path is mine alone, even though it may run parallel to yours for a time.
My thoughts and prayers for you dear reader is that you can find a way to achieve some kind of balance between the male and female parts of you. That you may find a way to let her out of her cage, and in the process allowing both to be happier, as she is part of your whole. There are times when one must keep their femininity hidden, but even in those times don’t keep yourself in denial. Accept and embrace your dual nature.
Labels, labels, labels. There are many in use, and it gets annoying and confusing. Some folks might want to use stronger language here, but I won’t! Wondering what I am seems to be a natural thing, like wanting to know where we have come from. If you feel you need a label so that you know where you fit in with this, then so be it. The problem seems to be finding the right one. It might be close, but not perfect because of this or that part. Which is fine too, as you are yourself, a unique and special being.
Coming full circle here, which I’m afraid my dear friend might be in his circle of life, with his hopes and dreams left undone. I want to say to you, don’t leave it until it’s too late to take time for yourself, to be true to yourself, and find your balance.”
I’m a realist, and there are many things I’m never going to be able to do; I accept this. The same goes for everyone else, but there are those important things just within our grasp. We only need to reach out to get them! Just do it!
How do you feel about yourself?
Have you found that balance?
What are your next steps to take on your feminine journey?
More Articles by The Author
- Find your Balance
- To Pass or not to pass, that is the question!
- A Short History of Crossdressing
- We’ve Come A Long Way Baby
- Are you Proud to be a Crossdresser?