(Where we can feel comfortable and safe.)
I have often thought about what it would be like to walk into a Sephora salon and ask for a makeover. I have always marvelled at the stories of girls’ first makeovers. Scary at first, but mostly a very rewarding experience. I’ve tried my hand at makeup using YouTube, and getting suggestions from chatting with the girls on CDH. I’ve gotten just good enough to feel comfortable while I am out in public. Having an actual beautician do the work for you, and learning from the experience, is something many of us have done and enjoyed, but I probably won’t be getting a makeover for a few reasons.
I do like to be out as Bree, though. I’ve gone to a local mall. I’ve been to Applebee’s with my wife. I’ve visited my state’s capital and walked around confidently. I’ve also thought about getting dressed to go out for the evening at one of the local nightclubs. My overwhelming fear is of getting into an altercation with some closed-minded individual, or being outed by the staff. I originally started going out under cover of darkness and rarely left my vehicle. I had the same fears and questions that many of the girls face: is this area safe? How will I be treated if I manage the courage to walk out and about? These are valid concerns. I don’t walk around at night by myself, there’s no reason to ask for trouble. But I know there are places out there that would accept me just as I am.
My state capital city of Madison WI is a very accepting college town. There are plenty of bars (I do live in Wisconsin after all). There are a few locations that actually cater specifically to the transgender community. There is at least one transgender association that I know of. There are gay bars that would be welcoming also. I would most likely check these out. It’s on my bucket list to meet a local girl and spend a night on the town, exploring some of these establishments. I know the places are out there.
CDH has a section called Local Places. This is one way to find friendly establishments that would actually accept and welcome us. A search for places in the Madison metro area (an area with around a million inhabitants) shows 5 local places. Two Ulta, two Torrid, and one Macys. OK. I’m all set for shopping … but what about the hundred other things I wanna do? Since I have lived in Wisconsin all my life and I still work in the Madison area, I personally know of a few places that will welcome all members of the LGBTQIA2S+ community. But even with the power of Google it can be hard to find these places.
I want to explore the world and experience what the world has to offer Bree, but let’s be honest. We all know there are people in the world who have a problem with transgender folks. (A fact I can only wish we didn’t need to be concerned with.) I’ve also heard from some of the girls that when they do go shopping or into a beauty salon presenting as a woman, they are subject to rude salespeople or beauticians that seem uninterested in taking our money. I’m hoping to avoid that experience. From my adventures so far, I have found most places accepting, and I have not been subjected to anything more than a strange look or two.
So, my questions for you girls are:
- How do you determine where you will go? Do you just get dressed and go out hoping for the best?
- Do you have a few friends that you go with? (There is strength in numbers)
- How do you girls decide which local places are safe?
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
Hugs,
Bree
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same as kim hanson.remote chance of anything bad happening here in red florida.many times joined by a friend from Wisconsin who feels the same.
BUT-taking advantage of our new law I also carry a concealed weapon if going out at night
Ahhh. A lady with bite…..
thanks dear.
huggs
bree
I hafta say I am very envious of Florida laws. Living in Khanada the pols have taken away the right to carry. Stay safe girl. Use it if you have to.
I too worry about going out alone. So I do not do that. I organized an area chapter group on CDH and we have done several meetups. But it is like a dental extraction to get people to go out and then to agree on time and place. Our meetups have been solely at restaurants and nightclubs. The only problem I have in organizing meetups is my wife is always around and she is disabled and can not be left alone. So I wind up staying in hotel and leave her there while meet my girl friends. So it is… Read more »
Thanks Alice. I have a nice group in Wisconsin but it’s over 3 hrs away. I feel ya on the meet up thing…haven’t found anyone to hang with yet but a couple girls have reached out since I wrote the article.
Hugs
Bree
Great article, and I love the questions to our community dear. It’s so important to find places where we can be who we are. ❤
@cdh
Thanks Hun.
I just wish Southern Wisconsin was represented better. I guess if nobody else is gonna do it I will have to do it myself..lol
huggs
Bree
well? it asked me to comment? but this one is hard for me Personally? i do not have a Problem? i just go “Anyplace i Like" i guess being as i am ,i am also a Working Studio and Touring Musician, so? i do not think about it? i can say, i have a few friends whom dress, and often i tell them? “Act Obvious" and your going to “Look Obvious" as a Human Being, and none of this i am a girl i am a boy, no! your born one or the other, but! as a Human Being, if… Read more »
@Winter WinterBear A great take From a girl that wears her heart on her Black Sleeves. It is good to have the backing of friends for sure and I have friends in the world for sure. Your attitude lives inside me somewhere..gotta find some of it and go.
Thanks for the reply
Huggs
Bree
As a performer as well I’ve learned that once your up there on stage and the show begins , you have to drop all fear of being judged , and just go for it what will be will be , your triumphs your mistakes, ppl are gonna get it all , and that’s ok , we are human and so are they , we do music for us and that’s all that matters , not everyone is gonna like it and that’s ok , just like dressing and feeling the inner person we really are is ok as well. Once… Read more »
@sandymcross
Well said Sandy 🤗
Hi Bree In Australia we are very open minded with the whole trans thing so there would be very few people who would be willing to risk the wrath of society by being rude to us. Having said that there are still some people who just dont get it. When I first started going out I met quite a few gurls like me on Facebook and as a result from a few chats and pic swaps I had a ready made group. Many of them had been on the scene for years and as such new most places that were… Read more »
@Gail Bingyi Since Facebook started enforcing using real names, I wouldn’t even think about posting anything about crossdressing there. Their algorithms would make it highly likely of getting outed by them.
@Harriette Yes…Facebook does find a lot of stuff. I’m taking the risk but…Bree isn’t on Facebook very much. Hopefully it doesn’t happen but I will live with the fallout
Huggs
Bree
@Gail Bingyi well, If I ever get to go to Australia… I’ll bring my prettiest dress. I’m happy to hear you have a community to share life with.
Huggs
Bree
Would love to see you if you ever get here Bree. And yes Harriette FB is something definitely needs to be very cautious of. I was fortunate that Gails FB has been running for a long time before they enforced the real name stuff so Shhh I wont tell if you dont
Love Gail