I had recently bought some new high heeled court shoes and they just had to be tried out! Nothing quite right in the wardrobe so nothing else for it – just had to buy another outfit! (Red bodycon dress with a matching peplum waist jacket – totally lush and I actually have curves thanks to weight loss and waist training!). The local trans/cd/tv support group was due its monthly meeting and I fully intended to give my new outfit an ‘outing’. Pun fully intended as this was also going to be the first time ever I planned to fully dress at home and then go out en femme.
As the date approached I had everything planned out, my family were all going to be out so I would have total privacy to take my time over preparations. Then of course it all changed! My lovely granddaughter who was going to be at work was sick! Of course I felt terrible for her but at the same time was thinking drat! Now what can I do? I still wanted / needed to go – building up the courage to step out was not easy and if I faltered I may not be that brave again for a while. Hell I had even bought a handbag for the occasion! I couldn’t let that go to waste! Lol
Ok, so change of plan called for. I couldn’t fully dress at home so had to choose an outfit I could hide under my clothes. So, after making sure she was OK I prepared as best I could. Not the relaxed, take your time, carefully planned ensemble and makeup I had in mind but instead my fave black leather look skinny jeans, black sheer blouse with lace neckline and long lace sleeves, corset, (still working on that waist training!) a pair of fantastic padded butt pants that also are tight enough to tuck everything away!, hold ups, favourite bra (with my girls ready to be added when then coast was clear!) I packed my new shoes, hair, jewelry and makeup in a bag, and then had to put my jeans, sweatshirt, coat etc on top so I could say goodbye as I went out the door.
Not quite the First Stepping Out I had planned!
OK, so far so good, I have at least managed to go out partially dressed even if covered up! Next problem, how do I finish the job ideally before I arrive at the meeting? Only one thing for it – change in the car park! What a nightmare! so self-conscious as the car park is very well lit and busy! Still, I found a relatively quiet corner (after several attempts and changing levels – I dread to think what car park security thought if the watched this on CCTV!!!).
I never realised just how tricky it is to get undressed in a car! (ok, maybe I have done it before when I was a lot younger but that’s a totally different story!) Even more tricky was trying to do my makeup using the tiny mirror in the visor!!! It’s hard enough in a well lit room with a large mirror but this was ridiculous! Still – determined to plod on as I had come this far and was determined not to quit now.
One Giant Leap for Womankind
Eventually I managed to throw on a face that I hoped would at least be passable! So now, fully dressed and made up I was ready to go – OH NO – I forgot a coat and it was pretty cold out and the venue was a 5 to 10 minute walk away. I only had my male mode fleece! It would just have to do – I couldn’t go back home to get a coat.
Since getting the new shoes (shiny black court shoes with a 3.5 to 4inch heel shoes 11UK for those who are interested :-)) I had been practicing in them at home as much as I could and I thought I was pretty OK at walking in them. That was until I now realised that I had to walk from the car park, through a shopping mall, and down the street to the venue! All of a sudden that 5 minute walk seemed like one small step for man, one gigantic ‘run the gauntlet’! for a man in heels!
Still, taking my handbag over my shoulder, and a shopping bag containing my other stuff in my other hand I set off, bravely facing the unknown, uncharted territory that stretched out in front of me! This is when I found there is a big difference between walking in heels on a flat and carpeted floor, vs walking in heels over a bricked path (load of cracks), drain covers, pot holes, curbs and all those hazards that you just take in your stride (groan – I know another awful pun) when walking in male shoes.
All I can say is that my respect for all those who can walk in heels and make it look graceful has grown exponentially! After what seemed like an eternity, conscious of every person I passed, every group of girls talking in hushed whispers as I walked by, every person walking behind me and getting closer, I finally made it to the meeting.
This is where my faith in humanity was fully restored, They are such a wonderful group of girls and supporters that I was able to relax straight away, and feel totally safe and secure no matter how I looked. I am so happy I found this support group and hope to make some long term friends there.
P.S. Maybe the red dress will get an outing next!