It was a cold and blustery night…isn’t that how most Halloween stories should start? But in my case it was true. There was no rain, but it was windy and very, very dark from the cloud cover.
I have never been out as Janet. I’ve dreamed of it, I’ve thought about it, but I’ve always dreaded potential negative reactions. With this in mind, and like many of us, I sought the shelter of Halloween to make my first appearance.
The preparation was so much fun, working to get everything as right as I could. I started with shaving and showering, followed by moisturizing, nails, then foundation garments. I already had a new outfit with everything laid out, the only real debate was down to what shoes to wear when I was ready. I longed for the feedback of my wife or a CDH friend as to which pair of shoes work best with this outfit? How many times have we done this dance with our significant others? Lots for me.
As I was tucking, putting on hose, cincher, bra, and all the rest, I had the thought to which many women could relate: ‘This is going to be a challenge to disassemble and reassemble if I have to go to the bathroom!!’
I stayed focused on getting my look right and did my make up, styled my hair, and spent way too much time in front of the mirror. I sprayed some Chanel on my wrists, rubbing them together and sniffing them like I have seen so many women do over the years; I threw in a few spritzes for good measure to other key areas. I packed my new Michael Kors purse and wallet with my misgendered ID and some cash. I adorned myself with my earrings, rings, necklaces, and bracelets. Deep breaths.
Oh yes, now the shoes! I debated between some very cute Dansko Tiffani sandals and some off-white slingbacks in a reasonable height (3.3″). I simply couldn’t go out the first time and NOT have heels on!
I felt ready to embrace this!
Into the car and off I go through the city and countryside, eventually pulling up to the bar. I took some more deep breaths and said, “I am doing this.” And with that, I flung open the car door and made the walk to the entrance, in heels, on a blustery night. I pushed open the bar door and worked hard to be as inconspicuous as possible.
Ha! I am 6’2″ in heels, so easier said than done in a relatively quiet bar.
A few people acknowledged me, the bartender came and served me, and it had all become real! I sat and sipped my Cabernet and basked in the acceptance and the little things like my lipstick on the wine glass. I calmed down and realized this was a WAY bigger deal for me than the others in the room. There were some interesting looks from a couple of men but that was about it. I thought better of staying too long as I had a ton of commitments, so after my drink, I left, leaving a nice tip for the kind bartender who was so warm to me—being kind can not be overrated! I stepped back into the wind, managing to keep my hair in place, and started the journey home.
I realized a few things: It was a massive rush being seen as me for the first time. No one had any clue that this was any different than normal—and I don’t think one of them cared. Pick the right venue and the right time; this place had advertised a standing drag show but it wasn’t on last night—hopefully I’ll get the timing right next time.
My biggest take away was that I waited too long. This was a wonderful, validating experience that should have happened years ago.
Finally, this would not have happened without ALL of you! You are all so supportive and willing to help with anything. I truly appreciate that support and knew I was carrying it with me that night.
Janet💋
@jjorgenson
Congratulations, Janet.
There is no stopping you now.
Lynne
Congrats Janice you did it and many more wonderful experiences now to follow
@Deborah Sullivan I hope so!
@Janet Jorgenson So happy for you! It gets easier from here on in. 💕 Joanna.
Janet – what a great experience for you, and so well told. I am very happy for you, and thank you for adding additional inspiration for that someday when I will be bold enough to do the same.
ChrissyDee
@Chrissy Daniels thank you! You are gorgeous and hope you find the right place and time to take the leap!
@Janet Jorgenson Omg, Janet…I’m so HAPPY for you…!!! I have the fondest of memories of that “rush"….honestly, I have no doubts it’s exactly the same for all of us, “on our first time"…!!! My days to venture out have long past, but I sincerely enjoy reading of your, and everyone’s experience…for me, it makes that RUSH return and it’s like I’m right there enjoying the experience again with you….thank you for sharing, I hope you have more trips planned…ENJOY…!!!
Working on next ‘steps’ out!
Thats awesome! You have some guts girl! I wish I could say the same. Maybe someday😳
A brave step forward.
@Janet Jorgenson Brilliant! That sounds like a great outing.
Hugs,
Anna xx
So happy you got out and had fun,I go out almost everyday presenting as Meg and I have had a few looks.(Maybe just being a bit insecure 🤷♀️)I try and be as passable as possible.You looked great in your pic hon.Keep going out and have a great time!
@Megan Suravlas thank you for the encouragement!
Awesome! Thanks for sharing. I haven’t gone out solo but I’ve gone out with friends on a number of occasions. My first time was simply lunch at a Pizzeria with a group of 4 other CD’s. I was so nervous but also exhilarated. Overall it was a completely uneventful experience. To the staff and other patrons we were just 6 somewhat overly dresses, and taller than usual ladies having a nice lunch together. Needless to say I was hooked and couldn’t wait to do it again.