Hey Diana! Thanks for sharing.
Long hauler here too!
until very recently I considered myself (as much as I thought about it at all) as a boy with an unnatural, probably unhealthy interest in cute lingerie.
Having come out to my wife as a CDer and started talking to a therapist I was able to explore what I really was. Being honest with her meant I could be honest with myself; I was slowly able to express myself as I always (subconsciously) needed to.