#381760
Holly G
Participant
Registered On: August 25, 2015
Topics: 12
Replies: 121
Has thanked: 54 times
Been thanked: 153 times

This is probably the most important topic most of us can bring up. My wife found out several years ago and it did not go well. (She found a pair of my heels!) We had a great talk that night and I thought it was amazing that she finally knew…well, it just meant she knew and didn’t want to EVER be reminded again. This went on with reminders happening and bad reactions for a solid 5-6 years. This year, however, she finally has processed enough to realize that this just isn’t going away and that it’s a big part of why I’m the person I am that she fell in love with.  We’ve been talking, reading, watching, and listening to a lot of things to try to help us understand things, but talking has without question been the most important part. Sometimes it’s been amazing, other times it’s been pretty hard to handle, but it’s helped us continue to make progress and we’re still very much together after 22 years. Every day is a new adventure and we can joke about it at times, but it’s a very fine line I’m still walking as this is the love of my life and I don’t want to cause her any pain, but I’ve also told her that this just is a part of me that I simply am not able to put away…I’ve tried (as many of us have) many times and it ALWAYS comes back!   Part of what has helped is I’m not longer ashamed of who I am. I love my femme side and realize that it’s a major part of me. When I started talking to her with no apologies or shame, it changed everything.  It just is part of me and we need to figure out how to deal with it together.

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