First, welcome to CDH! I think you’ll find such a great group of girls here and so much help, support and encouragement. I know I have. These gals here are great!
I’ve been reading the responses to your question and find myself nodding in agreement with so much that has been said. Believe me, your question is not an uncommon one and it IS a valid question. I believe sin is real. Heck, it’s about the only part of Christian theology that can be seen on the street. Ask someone who’s just been mugged if he believes the concept of sin is a mere human construct! That being said, you didn’t mention what faith tradition you are coming from, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, etc. I can give you my perspective as a Catholic Christian. As has been mentioned already there is really only one place where “crossdressing” is mentioned in scripture, Deuteronomy 22:5. That verse, however, likely has to do with Moses warning the Jewish people not to “do as the pagans do.” Take a look at the rules listed before and after that verse and ask yourself “Are Christians bound to any of those other rules today?” The answer is no. So if someone is going to hold us to one particular rule in Deuteronomy then they better hold us (and themselves) to all the other old testament laws of Moses too. (they won’t)
So does that mean crossdressing is OK? Well, maybe yes, maybe no. I have been told by two seperate priests that mere crossdressing is a moral neutral. It’s what we use it for or where we allow it to lead us that can cause the problem. Use it for good things, stress relief, emotional support, creative expression (even for occasional consentual sex play with one’s wife) it’s probably fine. BUT, if we always find it leads to things that are objectively wrong (self-centeredness, adultery, pornography, selfishness, lying) then things need to be reassessed or maybe even stopped. Like any moral neutral, sports, money, hobbies, (as opposed to things that are always wrong) it’s how you use it that determines if it’s a sin. If you want a relationship with God, don’t let your dressing become more important than God and it will fall into it’s proper perspective.
Now, it seems to me also from your post that you need to keep talking with your wife. It sounds like there are unresolved issues there. One of the things that could make crossdressing wrong is if it is truly endangering your marriage. It doesn’t SOUND like it from your post but only you guys can know that. Hope this helps you Riley. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.
All the best!