Thank you, Bettylou, I appreciate the things that you pointed out and I do feel like he has been a bit unfair because he said he was glad that I was accepting of him doing it and just disappointed that I wouldn’t be around when he did. He also said he would respect a few other boundaries we agreed on and has not. I have never expected a purge, I have encouraged him NOT to feel shame about it in general (although I know this is easier said when it is something one is hiding from the world), and he know that telling my child was wrong. I even saw a counselor who has experience in this area a few years ago and I had gone thinking she was going to want to help me get over my feelings and accept it more, but she made a point of validating that it is not something I have to be around and if he wants to be with me he has to respect that main boundary, not ask me to change or “fix” myself to get over it. I wish I didn’t feel the way I do, it would be so much better if I loved participating once a month and we enjoyed the time together like we do everything else together, but I don’t know what to do to change how it makes me feel.
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