In my opinion, a successful marriage has 2 people who feel completely accepted, loved and respected by each other. When one is holding back for the sake of the other, resentment is sure to build. The more I learn about CD I see it evolves & likely grows stronger with age. Asking them to stop is not much different than them asking us for more freedom to explore. Asking an overweight spouse to diet often backfires into binge eating in hiding.
Are you on the SO forum too? We sometimes need a safe place to vent among others who understand.
I hope you both find a way to be happy with each of your needs being met. Maybe a counselor could help you come to that sweet spot. Good luck to you both.