Nicole Welcome , this is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. For you it would be extremely difficult time indeed. Most of us are just normal heterosexual men who love to experience what women can but normally prohibited by societal pressures about gender steeeotypes. We just want to try what you can freely experience if you want, make up, a far more interesting range of clothing and accessories, wonderful fabrics and colours. Maybe we want to try something different from the normally ‘drab’ options we have in menswear, shoes etc.
He has probably kept it a secret as he is terrified he would lose you if you found out. Had you known when you were dating would it have adversely affected your opinion of him. And the longer the secret is carried on the harder it is to admit it. He was maybe also afraid you would question his sexuality, think of him as less of a man, something which hurts. For me, and many others, perhaps your husband included it is only looking different for a bit, to stand out, enjoy experiencing new things. I think I look fab when dressed, others may disagree but it’s good for my soul. Perhaps like a hobby or addiction, not trying to play down the angst you are feeling but there are worse addictions to have. Make sure that this is something you can deal with. If not, you need to make that clear and be honest with him and yourself. Just talk with him and find out how far he wants to take his cding. For him: How far does he intend/desire/need to take this to feel happy? Some men are content just “underdressing”, that is having the feel of something soft and feminine against their skin under their regular clothes. Some men want the whole outfit — undergarments, skirt/blouse or dress, whatever. Some men want to just briefly visit the total world of womanhood by adding the fake breasts, makeup, wig, etc. Some separate their “girl” time from the rest of their day by also going by a female-sounding name. Of those, some are perfectly fine (or even prefer) just staying home to do this, but others need to feel validated by attempting to pass in public and meet up with fellow part-time girls.
When you really can’t bear the sight of him in femme mode around the house, you can agree to give him specific days when he can do whatever he wants while she’s away from the house, but the rest of the time he agrees to be the man she married.
You get the idea. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And nothing is set in stone. If you’re not comfortable with it, over time your boundaries may move. The important thing here is transparency: Once you’ve agreed to the boundaries, it’s on him to stick to what you agreed to until you’re ready to move on. I have absolutely no tolerance or sympathy for men who lie to their wives. Once that foundation of trust is demolished, it can take a lifetime to build it back up.
As a dress-wearing husband to an understanding wife, I thank you for taking this step to understand your man’s needs. Best to you both as to where this journey will become