Gurl I know the feeling. I have (I’m sure many of us have) purged many times in the past, and lost some wonderful things because of that.
When I was younger but much less now there are times when I can dress and pleasure myself. Again more so when I was younger, I would feel this intense guilt for having done something “wrong”. It was at those times that I would purge, vowing never to do it again. Of course that does not last.
I don’t know how I feel sexually. Honestly I’m “open”. But remember you are doing nothing wrong, don’t feel guilty about how you feel or what you do. Enjoy those feelings and nurture them. You do not want to have regret for not having followed your true path.
Love and hugs,