Jessica Wilde
Registered On: October 5, 2020
Topics: 17
Replies: 45
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We all talk to ourselves don’t we?  I mean in our heads?

Here are some extracts of the conversation I had with myself the other day whilst walking the dog wearing my male clothes, and ‘he’ entered my thoughts.

And in case you are wondering it is all true…. (blush.)

It went something like this…….

“I am concerned about the spending on Amazon.  During lockdown it stopped as there was no point in buying new things because they couldn’t be worn, and far too much money has been spent already.  My wife would have a fit if she knew how much I have spent over the years.  For example those new ankle boots. Six pairs.  SIX! ” 

“A girl has to keep up with fashions, and I needed some new boots for walking the dog in the winter.  And they were real bargains!  I hadn’t thought about boots before, but now I really, really like them.”

But… six pairs! Who needs six pairs?”

“Two pairs, one in brown the other in black are more fashion items, and I need chunkier ones for going out, so I bought one pair in brown to go with my lovely brown suedette skirt, and a black pair to go with my denim and black skirts. And I just couldn’t resist those four inch heel lace-up ones.  The other pair are … well.. I don’t like them that much so I will only wear them if its very wet out.”

“What about that army green strappy sundress bought in September?  I didn’t really like it.” 

“I did wear it once. But I admit I  don’t like it either. It was an impulse purchase ….. another one for the charity bag.”

“And  there is too much time spent on CDH. I don’t get to browse the internet much anymore.” 

“It keeps me sane. I love reading the girls posts, and it let’s me keep in touch when I can’t be myself.”

“Yes I know that.  Sigh! Another thing. I don’t get to play my computer games anymore. Every time I try to click on the play button, something holds me back……  “

“Sorry. I know…  It’s just that I prefer CDH and browsing the girlie stuff on Amazon.”

“It’s the same with the telly. I want to watch more news programs, but all  I get is checking out what the newsreaders and weather girls are wearing, and what bra’s they might have on.” 

“I know, but the girls are so fashionable and I love seeing what they are wearing. It’s the highlight of my morning. Karen and Susanna are so elegant! And I love Louise’s look. I think I look a bit like her when I wear my ash-blonde wig. It’s the same style as Louise’s hair.  It’s amazing how the style of bar affects their look, and Carol wears wonderful figure hugging dresses, and….. ”

“I’m also worried about the risks taken when out  walking the dog.  I do feel nervous about being seen as  a man in a dress.  It can’t be good for my stress levels.”

“I know, but it’s the only way I can experience myself physically in the real world, and I do enjoy it so much. I don’t complain (much) when I have to wear men’s clothes, which is most of the time.”

“I get that. But the risks….. the other day I was a bit shocked when I slipped off my  panties whilst sitting on that park bench.”

“What’s the risk?  I was still covered.  The joy of being out carried me away a bit. It’s amazing to go commando sometimes. It was nice and warm and breezy and I just fancied feeling free down there, and the panties were a bit tight and sweaty…. ”

“Okay…  so .. I admit I enjoyed it too.  But it reminded me of that walk … twice … around the bluebell wood in that pink chemise.”

“Yes… I remember. It was a silly thing to do. But there was no one around. I don’t know what got into me!”

I do. It was that pink fog induced euphoria, that’s what. It took over completely. I had no say in it.  No control.  It was just just off with the skirt and jumper.”

“Giggles. Don’t tell me it wasn’t  fun.”

That’s not the point. I worry that the pink fog has taken too much of a hold. It fills my mind with cotton wool. All my thoughts seem to be about female  things.  I feel a bit lost, neglected even, as if I don’t matter, as if my masculinity is slipping away.”

“I worry about it too sometimes, even though I do love it. When it’s strong it does fill my head to the exclusion of everything else. I promise to try and keep a check on it. So don’t worry. ”

There was more…. but you must be getting bored by now… and those were the best bits.

Bye for now. Hugs.  Stephanie P 😊

I have the same conversation with myself. Different outings involved of course and different clothing items but same conversation.

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