I am so sorry that you are going through this struggle in your life. I sense that you purged because you felt like you had too. I am so so happy you are still here with us. I have a few recommendations for you.
Go to https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/keep-or-return/
This is a group that sisters post photos and other sisters respond with Keep or Return. It is a wonderful way to get and give advise on what looks good on a person. But most of all it is fun and you dont have to post any photos at all. You can just read the responses or put your 2 cents in.
This group is so much fun. A sister post different looks and the other sisters imagine where she is going to go in that outfit. The working of your imagination muscles is wonderful and the responses have been so much fun and creative.
The last recommendation I have for you is by far the most important. I would recommend that you find someone who you can talk too. Someone that understands your situation and is qualified to listen and help. The person I have in mind is a licensed couch and a member here on CDH. You can see her on the web site here https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/video-sessions/videos/august-2020-live-sessions-with-sophie-and-char/
Char is a wonderful person and I spoke with her and she would love to hear from you only if you want to talk. https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/members/charee/
Her website is https://myzenstone.com/
If you want I am also here to talk with you. We know what you are going through. We have all been there.
Hugs Hugs and more Hugs