Humans are complicated creatures. One of the ways this shows up is the many variations in the way we think about gender as it applies to us and how we express it. I think people tend to be confused by the concepts of being gender fluid and being agender.
For many crossdressers, it is a conscious decision to dress at any given time. Circumstances may be that you have time or you are alone or you want to go out, etc. For someone who is gender fluid, it isn’t a conscious decision. Something happens to trigger a shift from one gender to another. No one knows what the reason is or can guess the duration. I think of it similar to multiple personalities in that we know very little and there doesn’t seem to be much predictability to it.
Agender is the sense of not being associated with being male or female. For whatever reason, people consider themselves to be genderless.
I agree than gender is largely a social construct, but it is also related to how we apply it to ourselves and how we express it.
I identify as transgender and non-binary. It feels like to me that I am this amalgam of male and female sensibilities and thought processes. Many crossdressers say that when they dress they become, or adopt, a different persona. That has never happened for me and eventually became one of the reasons that suggested to me that I wasn’t a crossdresser.
I gave up following stick and ball sports in the early 90’s. Some would say Ah Ha!! But that doesn’t really mean anything. I’ve been a big motorsports fan since childhood and that continues. I’ve been to all sorts of racetracks across the US and have seen many different disciplines. As a matter of fact, I was up at 5:30am this morning to watch the qualifying session for tomorrow’s Formula 1 Grand Prix in Portugal. I was dressed in a nice short sleeve shell, short skort, bra and forms, heels and with my nails done. This might seem to be a contradiction to some, but it represents how I like to appear and what I like to do. Over time I have driven a few race cars and I also follow professional cycling, am an amateur photographer, a computer enthusiast and a modern architecture fan. Even though society attached gender to these activities, I never did. They were just things that appealed to me.
I think it is quite difficult for many to realize that gender is not the same thing as sex and that how we think of our gender may be somewhat different from how we express it. There is a mass of history that is steeped in the binary and humans have always found change to be difficult. While there will likely be change, this means that it will probably be slow. For me, while I am certain that this combination of sensibilities represents how I really feel, I present as female 80% to 90% of the time. On those few times when I do present as male it is usually a matter of expedience without something that is driving me to present in a certain way.
I hope that all of us get to be who we really are and can express that as we choose.
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