Carolyne Sherman
Registered On: February 20, 2018
Topics: 6
Replies: 274
Has thanked: 95 times
Been thanked: 699 times

Dear Focus and Sunshine, welcome to being involved with a cross dresser. I am sorry to say that most of us have had to hide ourselves from not only others, but ourselves. I am fortunate to have a wifey that has stuck with me and taught me how to be honest with not only her, but myself as well. Many of us have built a defense mechanism that entails lying to ourselves and denying to ourselves about many aspects of our own personalities, desires and needs. This lying or deceitful trait becomes so ingrained to protect us from the scorn and ridicule from others that many times we lie without need or want out of habit, ie; hows the weather (when its snowing and -20 with 40mph wind), great, a little brisk. I used to find myself hiding things that didn’t matter just because it was “easier” than telling the truth. This caused more problems than the actual dressing and took many years to correct. It also took me becoming mature enough to accept myself and not worry about what others thought. If you are in it for the long haul then be prepared to be patient and help bring your SO out of their shell through talking and supporting them. This may sound easy or even silly, but sometimes pushing for the truth and honesty can make them feel backed into a corner and cause more denial. I found that when we talked openly about little stuff after the conversation had UNINTERRUPTED time to develop the bigger issues would start to come out and allow me to be open and honest. Remind yourself from time to time that your SO has had to hide this and not slip up and out themself for many years and if you think a wild animal has a great self defense mechanism they have nothing on a closeted cross dresser. Be patient, open and keep the conversation light and easy and it will blossom into a deeper more open dialogue. Direct questions do feel like an interrogation and can force us to put up walls. I wish you the best as it seems you genuinely want to communicate and care. Also remind yourself what they are “hiding” may be as simple as wanting to see what other cd’s look like. The other extreme may be they know they are more tg than cd and just not ready to admit to themselves yet. Move slow and be patient and understanding, which you indicated you are. Good luck!  If you have any questions I will try to answer openly and without deception so feel free to pm if you think I could help.

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