I understand what you mean about becoming the woman you couldn’t find when you dress. That was, subconsciously for me, what I was doing when I started dressing as a young boy. I started around the time my relationship with the girl who lived next door changed. We had “played doctor” with each other frequently. She was a couple ears older than I and lost interest before I did. Looking back, I think the dressing started for me as a way of reviving our games in my mind.