#400918
ChloeC
Participant
Registered On: November 5, 2019
Topics: 8
Replies: 193
Has thanked: 342 times
Been thanked: 721 times
  • ok here comes an interesting addition to my crossdressing/transsexual life. My first complete memories are of about age 5 and asking my mother (probably)to let me wear a dress. She made me one out of kraft paper and for the afternoon I lived in it and played even outside wearing it ( over my normal clothes) until it tore and was unusable. So far, very ‘normal’ or standard beginnings for a cd. To be that specific and wanting all that, I’m sure my desires started earlier possibly a lot earlier. It led to sneaking things from my mothers drawers to eventually buying my own things , purging etc etc.So 2 things that were around that childhood time. 1 I was the 2nd child ,the first was a boy, an All Boy ( was and is he ever) and our mother had sort of hoped for a girl 2nd. My desires in a way met that.  Did she impose her emotions on me? 2. My father died in a horrific accident the year before leaving our mother grief stricken. Did I respond to her emotional loss by trying to fill a part she had wanted? Psychs would have a field day with me laying on all their educated notions…which  have changed over the years. So which diagnosis (or really theory) is the end all and be all…this year. like the Blanchard crap. or gender dysphoria. Like me wanting to wear womens clothes is a labeled illness but girls wearing boys clothes  jeans plaid shirts work boots is a very normal and encouraged desire. Please!!!!  I’m transgendered and I firmly believe I’ve been that since birth and probably from 2 or so weeks in utero. If I had had the guts, the money, and the willing to throw most of my first 20 years away AND had there been any kind of support groups in the 60s to  even one finger, I would have Very seriously considered SRS and most likely done it …and thrown away 3 beautiful successful loving and caring adult children , 4 darling grandchildren and my effects on tens if not hundreds of lives…for what?My selfish whims? Or being the person I should have been all along? Tough choices and no easy answers …ever. I am what I am.  Accepting living as a cd and meeting my needs as best I can is, for now, enough. Am I happy? Yes in many many ways. Would I have been happier if things had been different? I’ll never know so all I can do is not let some alternate unknown future affect what I have about me today and for the next however tomorrow’s I might still have.
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