#400920
Ashley
Participant
Registered On: May 25, 2019
Topics: 4
Replies: 179
Has thanked: 492 times
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I’m also a Gemini, so maybe it’s not such a coincidence that I’ve been having very similar thoughts… I’ve always been myself in my dreams as well. In both actual dreams and daydreams. I haven’t tried lucid dreaming, but I do let my overactive imagination take me to some wild places while daydreaming sometimes. (to the point where I’m beginning to wonder if its unhealthy…) Not long ago I decided to try a little experiment: what if, when I have a moment to let myself retreat into my mind, I started imagining myself as female? The long story short of the results is that it didn’t really work. As fun as it is to imagine a girl who thinks and acts just like me and has replaced me in my life, it just doesn’t feel like me. It just feels like another wild fantasy that’s even wilder than the others. The only way I can really picture myself in my mind is as, well, myself. And not even the faceapp version of me either.

I’ve also been having thoughts about what things would have been like had I transitioned pre-puberty. If I actually would have, or if it would have been better for me, I’ll never know. The thought of living as a completely passable trans girl is intoxicating I have to admit. But I think, at least right now, it’s just another fantasy. Cross dressing with my masculine body is such an imperfect solution, especially when I see a beautiful cis girl and am both attracted by her femininity and jealous of it, but at the end of the day, I do like that my CDing is something that lets me return to a “normal” state that lets me go through regular life without wearing all of who I am on my sleeve.

Somewhat related: I’m having serious thoughts about doing another facial hair experiment. Thinking about how my last one went, it seems like a bad idea, but on the other hand, I do kind of like that I’m tempted by it, as further evidence I’m still in touch with my male side too.

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