Hi Tabby. That is a mountain of challenges you’ve been scaling, and if you have found a safe, non-destructive way of coping with the stress and pressure that is a blessing. I am sorry you are experiencing this and I wish for nothing but strength for you.
To answer your question as to using CD as a coping mechanism, I have had the exact opposite experience.
Many years of repressing, hiding, denying Rei caused me all manner of poor and self destructive behaviours. Depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, food addictions, alcohol and drug abuse, toxic anger/hatred and shame, and on and on and on.
The more my female and male side embrace and intertwine the more at peace “I” become.
Thank you for allowing us to share in your struggles and shoulder even some small share of the burden. Best wishes, Rei