You sound exactly as I did just a coupe of weeks ago when I first found CDH. I am still trying to piece it all together but I can promise you that all of us are here to help support each other. I too use fantasy as a way to cope and grow. Have courage – it does get better; not easy – never easy – but with the ladies here it is a bit better each time I engage.
I am always available as another new member of the community if you would like to visit.