I truly feel for you. It’s a terrible situation you’ve found yourself in. In my opinion your husband is experiencing something often called the “Pink Fog.” When you didn’t forbid his crossdressing outright as he likely feared you would, he probably took that as carte blanche to go ahead hog wild. In a way, though it’s wrong for him to act that way if you look at it from his standpoint it is probably somewhat predictable. He has had this “situation” for years. It has had to be totally repressed and hidden due to the real fears of repercussions (professional, societal and familial) if he was ever discovered. It was probably his deepest, darkest secret. That fear of discovery has driven more than one man to severe depression and even suicide. Your unexpected discovery removed some of that fear and in his euphoria he sounds like he’s gone way overboard. (Kid in a candy store)
You two need to talk and he needs to calm down and agree to some reasonable compromise if things are to improve.
I dont agree that there is no future as long as you both can learn to accommodate this new factor in your lives. It CAN be done. But since he is the one who dropped this into your family he should be willing to be mature enough to see that your feelings are not ignored. In other words you both need to COMMUNICATE. It’s the only thing that can help. Tell him calmly, as plainly and as unemtionally as possible what you’ve posted here. It sounds like he doesn’t get it yet. Help him to get it. Spell it out. Don’t assume he can read between the lines. He’s still a man and we don’t think like women do. (Even us crossdressers ☺)
Best of luck Ruby. Lean on the folks here. I’ve found them to be wonderful people.