Firstly, can I express my gratitude in you putting into words exactly how you feel . This is exactly the kind of feelings that some C.D.’s need to read as it is difficult for some to appreciate how a partner can feel.
It is not only the deceit and lies but the other questions you rightly ask. Indeed who is this person you married? You deserve answers.
I really do not think that any individual crossdresser can give any more than their experience and, as it is vast array of them, it would confuse you. Simply it either works or it doesn’t. Relationships are about honesty and working through problems.
From what you say you have tried to reach out but he is not prepared to engage with you. How long are you prepared to hold out for? No matter what advice is given it is a sad fact that the answer is with you.
I feel for you.
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