I know I’ve said ‘it’s just clothes’ to myself many times, but I don’t think of it as a line of reasoning as much as I do a defense mechanism, or a starting point in the process of acceptance. Saying it sets aside unresolved questions for or about myself that I haven’t fully unraveled, so I can be free to go find answers in the experience itself. It is a rebuttal in advance of negative judgement I anticipate, that dressing is an expression of some flaw of sexuality or morality or personality. It is a reassurance to others, since there is no common vocabulary or shared understanding between myself and a non-CD of how deeply I believe in what I feel and see. My ‘theory’ would be that the better you know and accept yourself, and the better others know and accept you, the less you say it. I said it to my wife once, during the distress of revelation, but to her I would never have to say it again. If I came out to others, starting from scratch? Knowing what I know now, I’d try not to go there, but it might not be up to me.
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