Wow! A supportive s/o. You are a real treasure, honey, and he should consider himself blessed.
Depression associated with constant hiding of CD tendencies seems common – when I first truly discovered that I like to wear women’s clothing, I was so horrified that I tried to commit suicide, and lived with depression for many decades on and off.
2 years after coming out, it’s pretty much lifted, and I am in the best place mentally that I have ever been.
The secrecy is not unusual – we’re so scared of losing our s/o’s by telling them, and live in doom-laden hope that we can just give it up until the day we realise that we actually can’t, and need to tell someone.
Who better than the person closest to us?
That took real nerve, and trust.
Unfortunately, the years of holding it all back act like a pressure cooker – we want it all, we want to throw ourselves into this now we’re out, and acceptance can have this drawback that brings out the selfish aspect, as we realise that, OK, the dresses are nice, but we need a wig, some makeup, some shoes, more shoes – can you ever have enough – the whole Imelda Marcos thing… It’s like the dam has burst.
But the truth is that it is a 2-way street.
I see this phrase used and abused – but the truth is, he needs to think about you more than ever, because girl, you are very special, and he needs to treat you that way!
Send him to us!!!
It’s terribly easy, in the rush of acceptance, to forget who made coming out such a lovely experience. The first thing the girl/boy child wants is more, more, more.
I am not saying it’s right, but that he’s probably not aware of it, and it’s probably best heard from others who have been through it – although, in my case, I only have my own acceptance, and boy, did I go on a spree!!
I realised, from my wife’s reactions, that she was scared of losing me as a husband, perhaps feeling threatened by the “New woman” in our relationship.
So I set out to be the best husband I could be, in the hope that one day…
Boundaries are necessary in any relationship – it’s all about compromise, and the necessary politics in ensuring that comes about, or arguments are inevitable.
The wives section section of this site should provide a lot of good support – I hope this view from the other side is helpful.