This is a very complex situation and each of us are different so there is no one solution that fits all!!!
My Significant Other also found out recently – she is troubled but supportive as it explains much of my odd behaviour!!!
She wants to work with me to find a solution but not change me as it has also been my life sentence for 46 years!!!
I have just come out of that jail and it is terrifying yet exhilarating – in short life has changed for us from me pretending to be a macho shit head – close to divorce, sleeping in separate beds to us becoming good gurlfriends talking more than we ever did in the last 10 years as I can express the other part of me in all walks of life with her not wondering about the change from Macho SH!!!
Society in South Africa celebrates the MSH… rape of women is the norm!! Why would a person want to be a woman??? That is for the individuals to explore, as we are all different
Reject your partner that has lied to you for too many years and your partner may stay or leave but go straight back into their private jail – the walls of which are built strong, thick and uncompromising by society!!
Yet if you can find a way to accept and support your SO… you may discover an inner being that becomes your new best friend!!! Other than your parents who knows you better than sometimes even yourself!!?? Your SO!!??
A person that has rebelled against scietal norms for almost life time…
I could go on forever but gain from others experiences and see how you could make things work… yes it is different a very big different – yet what would have happened if either of you found out a different secret about the other – theft, murder, Sun City jail time, an affair – that the other was embarrassed to reveal… the one revealing would really appreciate support and acceptance??? Try and look at it from the other side…
Therapy from an understanding person… not one that takes sides either way… could help but my only really personal comment is that the only two people that really know what is happening is the two of you!!! Others think they know… and think they helping… get talking and figure it out – there will be losses on both sides but that is a negativity generating term – make compromises and reach out for the gains!!!