Hi Natalie,
I have been seeing a therapist for over two years, completely unrelated to CDing. In fact though I had dabbled in wearing knickers and stockings, CDing wasn’t something I had really contemplated. In fact that was probably the part of the issue.
I had suffered an unknown trauma when I was really young and I had become very stuck because of it. My therapy helped me release that trauma and with it alot of barriers that I had put up to protect myself.
As a result I realised that I was very feminine in my outlook, my feminine part of me was very dominant at times and I like female clothes etc. I remember now that I used to pick out dresses for my mum to wear when she was going out, that I was fascinated by her makeup and putting it on, it was fun to walk around in her shoes and I loved shoe shopping for her but I always chose the most garish and shinny shoes possible. I used to pretend that my pants were knickers etc. I had buried it all.
My therapist has been amazing, we are exploring my CDing, my pink mist, my ups and downs, the feelings of emptyness, guilt and wish to purge. The excitement, the purchases and how being unstuck is changing my personality ever so slightly, that feminine me is not scared or feeling judged and that she is coming out more and more each week. Just in subtle ways, in humour, in my sentence construction, in the way I think.
Though the road has been tough, I am so so glad that I was brave and start to travel that road and start to be the true and real me
Charlotte xxx
PS… A therapist does not have to be cd, transgender to understand or provide the right support. I chose a female therapist because I am more comfortable with females.
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