Honesty is the best policy and you have been honest. She may well have very liberal views and if it was one of your best friends I am sure there would be open support from her. But it is you, the person she thought she knew, her partner and that is different. The questions she asks are quite reasonable as there is a lot running through her mind. One would be if that you were out and about and were outed and everyone in your circle got to know. What would that reaction be what about the kids? The list will go on in her mind and until she has the whole thing in perspective so may not be settled for quite some time. In some respects it is easier to have an affair than to find out the partner is a crossdresser. She could run to her friends, with this is something different. One important question, one I was asked,’Can you give it up?’ and I think the answer is obvious.
So answer her questions honestly and give her plenty of assurances. You know why you are doing this and are prepared to work with her. She herself has said ‘We’ll get through this’ and it is a good start. You have to accept that this a deceit to her and it will take time to settle.
Every one here has differing experiences in this and each is unique. In yours you have 23 years invested and children too. Investments can go down as well as up so make the conditions good for them to climb and stay strong.