Reply To: Wife of CD man trying to find my role

[Stephanie Kennedy]

Hi Taylor Just read your post I understand your concern and confused you must feel. I believe you have come to the right place to better understand what cross dressing is and what it is not. I can only speak for me no one else. I have been cross dressing back before puberty. Then when puberty began sex hormones came into the picture and then it got even  more confusing. Let begin by saying we all have a self image that is in our head. When we look in the mirror we are not always happy with every thing we see. So we begin to think about what action we are going to take how best to improve what we see. When I looked in a mirror I wanted to see a image of a girl and so I just put on the appropriate clothes that would best satisfy the image I wanted to see. You soon learn that something is not right. Your parents mother or father let you know what is appropriate for girls and boys to wear. You begin your young life learning to hide what you wanted to see. You begin to borrow feminine clothes from sister, mother, aunt whom ever some you keep others you return until you have a collection you begin to hide. Then on day you feel guilty and ashamed about how you feel. You then get rid of all those pretty clothes and all signs of what you enjoy. That activity goes on for most of our life. We call it purging of all feminine clothing and go into denial about how we feel. We always think these feelings will just go away. We date and get married because most cross dressers find the female form very attractive of course there are those that see things different. Some here find the male form very attractive and look for a mate that best fits their needs. Our sexuality and gender identity are separate and definite different things. There comes a time when we just get tired of hiding our feelings. We begin to explore more and more and begin to see that image we all want to see. You now find your self married and some with children a home and financial commitments. We  realize we have not been honest with those we love and begin again to feel shame about not being honest not to mention our guilt of having feminine feelings. We become experts at hiding and denying.  It just becomes a messy situation. We here have have come to many conclusions. I will revue  a few if I may. These feelings never go away. We can deny and hide as long as you want they always come back no matter how you try. The ideal situation is for us to come clean. To be totally honest with our SO in hopes that everything goes well and we will be able to finally express how we feel and still be accepted by the one’s we love. That can be too risky for so many. They begin to think about all they would lose. Your wife, children and all that you worked so hard for your entire life. I believe you have taken the right steps by buying a dress showing him you can be trusted with his secret he has been keeping his whole life. You have taken the steps to try and understand how he feels by being here asking questions. He has to take the steps to make this all work for the both of you. That begins by opening up to you and if needed a therapist that can help him understand that only way things can work out for the both of you to continue to be couple he has to be honest with you and himself. Reality is you are in charge what you will accept and what you will not. He can decide if he can live with what you will accept what you will not. That will change as you both get along. COMMUNICATION, EMPATHY for each others needs and then COMPROMISE. There is no other way. I have been married for just about forty years, cross dressing has been a part of most of my life. Most days I love it others not so much. I have come accept this is just apart of me that will not go away. I enjoy my femininity and the clothes but I am also there for my wife when it comes to being the man she has married. It takes balance some thing that takes learning and time for the both of you  Take the time to visit the SO section of this site. I am sure they will help you to better understand you are not alone and  offer advice to help you better understand. Luv Stephanie