This is ‘mornal’. Many ladies who go through the full, transition process begin with the conviction that they are ‘cross-dressers’. This designation becomes less significant and less useful as they realize that being occasionally feminine is insufficient to their deep-seated desires and needs; needs so strong as to be a necessity.
Such persons being described as being ‘transgender’ always seems somewhat misleading and inaccurate to me. Ultimately they transition from one anatomical gender to the other (not opposite) anatomical gender but it is a one-time and essentially one-way ‘transition’. The problem was not their gender, they are usually full-time feminine (in the case of Masculine-to-Feminine transition) from their earliest memory but they are not allowed to be feminine because of their anatomy. By using biochemistry and surgery they can not only alter their anatomy but also the mood and personality-changing hormones that can be troublesome when not altered. In some cases, the full, surgical elements of transition are not wholly necessary to reach their goal, but usually it is an absolute necessity.
In our specific social milieu, very recently (historically), a person who makes such a transition is legally deemed to have changed sex and is regarded to be legally considered as female. Having achieved this change of status legally and socially, they want to put their rather traumatic past behind them and build a new life for themselves. They just want to be women and that can be a full-time task.
Much of this is true for others that might, on the surface, be seen as ‘cross-dressers’ but again, many wish to live as feminine women without the compulsion to revert to a sometimes artificial persona of masculinity. For some this continuous femininity is sufficient but others desperately need something more conclusive. There is a tendency to take such persons as examples of some sort of ‘continuum’ (Benjamin did this) but this notion fails those people who are individuals, part of a nebulous mosaic. One’s lifestyle is not necessarily simply an aspect of of other people’s lives or necessarily a foreseeable and mandatory process.
So, Donna now needs to lead the life she has earned probably with much in the way of tribulation, expense, effort, doubt and trauma. This too will be a difficult task and, while the support and affection she received here may have been essential to her past, in order to ensure a more placid future she needs to set aside that past.
The sad part is that her story is essential to understanding matters of gender-variance. All too often people interested in gender-variance fail to recognized that persons like Donna are not gender-variant but they are gender-invariant. Now they wish to live by presenting the gender that has always been a part of their being without a continuous ‘post-mortem’ concerning the process that allows them to live that life. Thus the significance of their experiences is often lost to us.
I understand her need to leave but I do hope she has a happy life, has a felicitous marriage and will regale us with a tale of her wedding and, perhaps, a photo or two.