I dont hold these views, but I think the thought for coming out to our friends and family is that dressing and presenting as a woman in private prevents us from being our “true” and “authentic” selves to those we love. Following that logic, coming out to them could also lead to a more open and healthy relationship with those close to us.
In an ideal world, I think that is probably true but we live in a world with many flaws and people are really complicated. Ultimately, I have to live with my choices so I try to follow what feels “right” for me. I dont follow everything my therapist says. I havent even disclosed to him that I present as a woman sometimes or that I am attracted to men – I do want to but I am working on so much with him already, one step at a time. Sometimes I just want my therapist to challenge me and help me make sense of my life – not necessarily tell me what I shouldnt or should do. Again, he doesnt live my life or deal with the consequences of my actions – only I do.
So in short, if it doesnt feel right telling your kids, then dont. There must be more to that decision than even your therapist knows. That’s just my two-cents.