Hi Jen, I came out to my wife this summer after 40 years of hiding. It’s an understatement to say we’re working through it. But, she was afraid of a few things – did I want to “become a woman”, how would she be attracted to a feminine version of me, and most important (I believe) was she not enough woman for me and she needed to look like my sexy femme side for me to be attracted to her?
It all boiled down to assurance. Since then I have decided that I need to pursue HRT to feel whole. Part-time dressing will not keep me mentally healthy. But, I do not plan to have full bottom surgery. I have no idea how this will work out, but I did tell her I love her just as she is, I’m not looking for any other relationships, and I will always be here for her as her spouse. I tried to tell her I’ll still be the same person as before, but better, but she doesn’t accept that yet.
So, Jen, you would be wise to ensure your spouse is the most improtant person in your life (even over Jen herself) but you also have to be totally honest with her about your need to have Jen around as well. A tricky balancing act, but necessary to keep the relationship intact, I think.