I was wearing my sisters’ hand me downs, including underwear from a very young age. My sisters used to dress me up too, as did I, as soon as my parents could afford boy clothes.
It all stopped in my late teens and although i used to wear my ex-partners underwear every now and then, it never went further than that.
I then led a typical butch man’s life for the next 30 +years. Then i became single again and i started wearing lingerie. But this was not enough and although i didnt know what was wrong, i just knew i wanted more.
I always felt my crossdressing was sexual and private and only the drag queens and ladyboys were public about their dressing.
It was then i startred searching the net and read article after article befote i eventually found CDH. I did not know what to expect, but hey i have to do something. Joining CDH, has been an absolute God send and something that has changed my life forever.
After reading lots of articles and seeing how much support ,advice,understanding and love being shown by all the girls, i knew i was in the right place.
I quickly realised i was not alone and that my dressing was not sexual at all, as my feminine side quickly started taking over my brain.
I now know that i dont want to look like a woman, i want to be the best woman, i can possibly be. If i was younger i would have surgery, but that boat has sailed, so i will just have to be good girl, and wait patiently until i have saved enough for forms.
I now practice my feminity every day and regard myself as female. I wear clean tights and panties every day. I practice my faint smile and posture at every opportunity, including the bathroom. I always sit down, roll down my tights then my panties, close my legs and push back my penis, so i pee directly into the water and not the sides, like a man would do.i do this no matter what bathroom/restroom i am in.
With the help of the girls here i have purchased more clothes and am setting up skincare, beauty, nail and laundry regimes.
I have recently started in person clothes shopping and hope to do the same with shoes shortly.
My way of thinking has totally changed and i now adore doing things i never did before or even wanted to. I am genuinely wetting myself tonight because i am having my first girly weeked, starting with doing my laundry en fem. I cant believe i would ever get sooooo excited about just washing my smalls.
For the last 30 years, i would spend the entire weekend in the pub. I have not touched or even thought about a drink, since joining CDH. Give me a choice and i will take a pleated skirt with a large belt over a day in the pub anytime.
So the best of Irish luck to all the lovely girls out there and thank you for helping me to discover the woman that i have always been.