Registered On: November 5, 2019
Topics: 11
Replies: 542
Has thanked: 2065 times
Been thanked: 2537 times

Hi Carmen,

Well, you’ve touched on an issue that I’ve seen for many, many years.  And, unfortunately, humans being what they are, I doubt it will ever go away.

The greater issue I’ve seen, and been sorely disappointed by, is the problem with affinity groups.  People seem to want to belong, somewhere, somehow, to something, and even more, to some kind of group that appears ‘exclusive’.  That means, it’s formed around a particular subject that the general public may not necessarily care about.

So groups spring up, be it politcal, athletic, social, hobby, civic, whatever.  You search around and find that group and it seems to be for people like yourself and you join it.  It’s a special group, a unique group, a group where you all seem to share the same values…that the group was organized to encourage or support or help give guidance.

As long as the group remains small, close knit, it seems to do okay, it can even feel like, wow, I belong to this ‘exclusive’ club’! but let that group/club/organization/ whatever, grow too big and then the problems start.  Members start looking at others, or newer members and begin to see tiny differences (well, we’re human, we’re individuals, there are always going to be some differences), and maybe some in the group get into positions of ‘power’ or controlling direction which leads to differences of opinions and what the group should be doing.

And if the group gets too big, and too welcoming, and too open, then it appears to lose it ‘exclusivity’ that maybe some if not many joined it because it was exclusive.  I mean if anyone can join, even it they have the loosest of possible connections, then what does it mean for those who are dearly committed?

I’ve seen it happen again and again.  The group gets too big, some start complaining about how many people are being let it, others who may think it’s okay decide they don’t like all the complaining, people leave in a huff including some of the originally dedicated founding members. Those who didn’t like all the grousing, cut back on their involvement. Newer members look around and have no idea what all the issues are about and decide to back off.

And voila! there goes the group.  I happen to be more of a welcoming person, one who likes to help ‘provide shelter from the storm’, lend a helping hand, offer advice, suggestions, personal stories that may relate.  And look at me, as I’ve posted earlier, I’m a failed transsexual. I made choices, and here I am doing what I can to live my life as best I can.  In one take on cd heaven, I may not totally belong, but I surely don’t belong on the sister site. Yet, I have a plethora of experiences and ways I’ve found to deal with them that I’m willing to share. Just as I’m more than willing to read about those of others and offer support as best I can.

So, Carmen, I personally think you belonging here and sharing your life stories is important and wonderful.  People here seem to cover and share a wide spectrum of what a community like this should be about. I can only suggest that you continue doing what you are doing that you feel good about. Be true to yourself, and if others can’t deal with it, it’s their problem, definitely not yours.

Hugs, ChloeC

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