Hi Carmen, I can understand a little of what you’re saying about becoming a better man by being a better woman, but I can also see what both Lara and Jenny are saying. To be the ‘man’ that others expect or want or need to see, often means putting those things that one finds truly appealing and feeling and wanting to be, aside or compartmentalizing them only to bring them out during moments when you can slip into your other true self.
It’s not only expectations of society, but of the closely knit nuclear family where it seems we each are forced into a role to play, as expected one’s spouse, and children who see how other families fall into those roles and just expect it of their own family.
I mentioned elsewhere here the fathers of my two wives were in succession a professional carpenter and a professional electrician. I am neither with absolutely no desire to be anywhere near that kind of accomplished ‘macho’ male. Yet, I’ve been still expected to be able to perform at least to competent apprentice if not beginning journeyman levels. Makes it tough to cry at appropriate movies, wear brightly colored coordinated clothing, eat chocolates while reading trashy novels, sit and gossip with women rather than making crude jokes while losing a fortune on poker nights (bluffing is not my strong suit).
Here’s a perfect example – Freshman year in high school, my gym class was about 150 boys, every day. 3 total classes for the 480 or so freshman boys in our class. The coaches divided up the class into 3 groups of 50 by ability – studs, average joes, and well you know. I swore I would make the average joes. And yes, I knew where I stood on the athletic ladder. I ran as fast, pushed up as hard, squatted as much, all as possible… and I made it. Yes, that was a huge accomplish for me a 13 year old, to avoid a year of being sneered at, just to be ‘average’.
You do what must do to get by, even though I would have much preferred to be on the other side of the dividing wall where the girls had PE.
Hugs, ChloeC
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