I fantasize during our time together about what my femme clothes. Quite often I fantasize about my spouse taking me out en femme. I’m on HRT so my libido has been greatly reduced, but crossdressing fantasies have always enabled me to perform.
Before HRT I was in much the same boat as you find yourself now. I don’t have a problem with masturbation unless it is interfering with other parts of your life.
I do remember when I was a teenager I would often think I wanted more out of my crossdressing than just sexual release; something more dignified. Always after release would come the guilt and shame. Some of my first public forays were an effort to prevent orgasm. That worked pretty well.
I started trying on Mom’s clothes several years before I understood what my sexual abilities were. My first orgasm came (sorry for the pun) as a complete shock to me. I was wearing pantyhose at the time. I had no idea what had happened for a while. I finally learned in school during sex education what had happened. Even then it took me a while to put two and two together.
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