First, thank you for being part of this discussion. I think I speak for many of us when I say it quite illuminating to hear the concerns (and fears) of an SO with a CD husband.
The level of support we get from our SOs can range from outright rejection to reluctant tolerance to complete acceptance and even encouragement (the latter being the Holy Grail for many CDs).
Regardless of where a couple finds themselves on the spectrum, continuous and honest communication is essential. SOs should be encouraged to ask questions and express how they are feeling at any given point in time. The CD should recognize and validate these feelings and provide honest answers to questions. What the CD most certainly should not do is expect complete acceptance, especially right away. Many SOs need time to process this and that needs to be respected.
I think your fears about being somehow inadequate as a woman and spouse as your husband devotes more and more attention to CDing are shared by many SOs. We CDs should recognize that it is vital to reassure our wives of their primary importance in our lives. More important than CDing and other pursuits.
To my fellow CDs: go out of your way to pay attention to your wives, spark some romance, offer frequent complements on their appearance, establish a weekly date night, take trips together, etc, etc. In short, make sure that she knows that you love her and appreciate her. These are all the sort things they encourage you to do in couples therapy, and they are exponentially more important when our SOs communicate to us that they experiencing the kind of feelings expressed by Betty.
Wait did I say communicate? Yes, I did, and let me repeat: communicate, communicate, communicate.