For a moment, think about this from your wife’s perspective. She tolerated those other things…the panties, the nail polish. It would be reasonable to suggest that the absence of intimacy, a lack of interest on her part, reflects a direct response to those. This latest discover lets her know you are interested in making physiological changes. Obviously she finds that distressing. And on top of that, she found out by accident. You went behind her back.
One cannot predict the future, but you need to be honest with yourself, accepting that you have violated her trust with this latest discovery, and perhaps this isn’t the first such violation. Then you have to accept that the damage done may not be reparable. At best, you can come clean to yourself, and having done that, come completely clean with her. You may not regain her trust, but at least you can bring an end to the deception.
Good luck. You’re gonna need it.