Brielle Ross
Registered On: August 14, 2021
Topics: 5
Replies: 408
Has thanked: 2025 times
Been thanked: 1792 times

Hi Jessica, most of the responses seem to ring true to me. I was a life-long CD (but in surges over time with gaps of years in between). My wife and I have been married 40 years and I just came out to her last summer. She had no clue, as I was a consumate sneak. While we are trying to figure it all out, we agreed early on that Brielle was not welcome in the bedroom. I also since realized that I am transgender and started HRT after Thanksgiving. We had other challenges before this and it doesn’t look like we will end up together, but not at all mainly from this new situation.

While I don’t normally try to say what people should or shouldn’t do in terms of their sexual practices (so long as children or vulnerable people are not in the mix), in a marriage there has to be mutual respect for the other’s desires and feelings, or there is something wrong. If you have expressed your displeasure with your SO’s actions and patterns but they are not respectful of that, then they are violating boundaries and are not honoring the vows to the union. It goes beyond a fetish or crossdressing, and (from a possibly selfish standpoint) it just gives the rest of us a bad reputation by association.

Your spouse’s stance on oral sex oitside the marriage reminds me of Bill Clinton’s justification. It IS sex, just not coitus, and it is wrong unless you both agreed to an “open marriage” (I don’t get that impression from your post, though). In my opinion, they are not respecting you, nor the marriage. If you want to save the marriage, you may want to seek therapy with a professional experienced in gender and fetish situations. If your spouse is unwilling, then it may be best for you to get out to oreserve your emotional health.

I’m sorry, I just feel very strongly that when one marries, they pledge to commit to honor and value each other and not always put their own wants above the other’s. In my case, transitioning is needful for my mental and emotional health. My wife agrees with that and supports me, but like you did, she married a man and I can’t expect her to just suddenly be attracted the same to me as I become a more-feminine version of my self.

I hate you are having to deal with all this, and I wish I had better comments, but your spouse doesn’t sound like they will be able to revert to the same intimacy you had in the beginning. People can change, but they have to feel more pain from where they are than the pain from the change before that can happen.

Please feel free to PM me anytime you want to chat further. I’m hardly a poster child for the way to navigate CD and trans issues in marriage, but I do have a relatively conservative viewpoint from this side of the fence, I guess.



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