Hi Denise and welcome to the most supportive site for CD’s on the net.
My advice for you is to first stop purging your fem stuff. Its expensive, depressive, and you know you will want it again. When you feel the need to purge just put it away for a while until the desire comes back… and it will… don’t beat yourself up.
The second thing you need to do, or maybe this is the first thing you should do, is to accept this side of yourself and try to find peace and a balance in your daily life. Our dressing desires do not just go away no matter how hard we try. We can put it off and not dress but we will be miserable until we do. Its not easy being a CD for any of us.
Try to remain calm and read experiences here and you will see we are all a big sisterhood living mostly in the dark closet… we have to work toward the light and peace.