Can I provide a different view?
Firstly, this is in many way a betrayal and she will feel trapped. If she had lied to you about a big part of her throughout your marriage, you may be shocked and upset when discovering this. It’s normal and natural. A good open talk and clear boundries are a good thing and may help.
Is your wife open as a person? if she is then she may find have a lie or a secret very very hard.
My partner refuses to be open and lying to adult children and the world I find the hardest thing and not who I am.
I love him for exactly who he is and don’t care if he dresses or dosnt as I am happy with whatever he choses but the secrets are very hard to cope with. If we paint nails he will literally have to have curtain drawn and key in the door in case anyone comes home, I find it depressing. I don’t want to be in a closet with anyone so to speak!
Some counselling may help you and her find a way and be happy.
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