Hi Harriet,
I can relate to this sooooo much! I am some what in exactly the same place, married with 2 children and my wife and children are everything to me. I too have struggled over the years and told myself lots that my family are more important than my own needs, however the more I tried to deny who I am the more I became unhappy, until eventually I couldn’t think about anything other than dressing. Eventually I confided in my wife and told her everything, as I’m sure you can imagine this did not go down well. After lots of talking she agreed to let me wear night gowns but it had to remain a secret, and so it appeared as though she was being supportive, but then over time she would start making comments about my night gowns until I became embarrassed and ashamed and would stop for a while. This went on back and forth for a few years until eventually I couldn’t take any more and once again had a talk with my wife, this time I explained how not dressing was making me feel but also tried to reassure her how much I loved her and the kids but I needed some way to be more me. Again after lots of talking and time we agreed I could wear womens pjs in front of the kids, as they are young enough that they don’t really notice, I now also shave my legs and have my nails varnished. This is far from where I want to be, but I do get some sense of my self, I have since also come out to some close friends (with my wife’s consent). She still struggles and does try to be supportive, but I see how difficult it is for her. At the start of this I made my wife aware that I acknowledge her feelings and understand that this both of us are going through this journey and it needs to be done at steps that we can both agree with and feel comfortable with. She is getting better as time goes on and my advice would be to talk as much as you can and be patient, especially if you want to bring your wife with you on this journey. I hope this helps in some way!
If you need to talk any more feel free to PM me.
XOXOX
Sophie
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