I think most of us experience feelings like this. People here sometimes ask if their desire will ever go away. I find that it’s more of a cycle than anything. There are ups and downs. It’s one of the most interesting and confusing things about the entire experience. Sometimes I feel completely confident and comfortable, and other times I feel ridiculous and embarrassed. It’s quite strange how I can feel so many different emotions about a single thing. I don’t know of anything else in my life that is quite like this.
While that can make the experience difficult, it also has some blessings. I think I am much more thoughtful about a lot of things. I find I am much more sensitive to others’ emotions and struggles. Religion is an important part of my life, and part of the conflict with my desire to dress, but this desire and my dressing has made me think more deeply about my beliefs and my relation to them (which is actually saying something because I’ve always thought deeply about my faith).
One thing I do think about, however, is balance. I don’t always get to dress up when I would like to (like today, for instance), and I miss it when I can’t. My wife’s feelings about this are as confused as mine sometimes so trying to be sensitive to her needs means I refrain from dressing as I would like to sometimes. I try, however, not to let that pull me down. I mean, I can’t go fishing or skiing every day either, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy other aspects of my life. I am not transgender with this, so I understand that others feel differently, but I actually think that letting the pink fog get out of hand diminishes the experience. I’m not trying to say that this is a problem with you (no judgement intended in any direction here), but I find that for myself, keeping things “under control” so to speak, enhances the experience. I certainly can’t tell anyone what that balance should look like in their own life, but I think it’s something to keep in mind for all of us.
I hope that makes sense, again, no judgement intended in any direction here. I just wanted to share something that helps me keep perspective and work through the ups and downs that we all go through.
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