i do understand the conundrum of which you speak. I had buried my own feelings about crossdressing after I was outed as a teenager. I had been in full denial of those very feelings for more than a decade when I married my wife. It was only in the months before our ninth anniversary that i had allowed myy feelings to surface again, and began to explore them in depth.
For me, there was never any debate about disclosing this information to my wife. Our relationship had always been built on being honest with each other, and being open about our feelings. However, that did not make sharing with my wife any easier. It took me almost three months to find the couragem, and go through with that conversation. I lost count how many times that I had chickened out over those months.
I was scared of how she would react, and of the impact it would have on our relationship. Yet, keeping it secret from my wife was also having its own reprucssions on my health. The stress was slowly affecting me day over day. When I was able to share with my wife about my preference for feminine attire, she shared that she had been aware of the stress that I was facing (though she had assumed it was fininacial in origin). She was days away from forcing it out me.
I will be honest. My wife was angry with me when I did disclose to her. However, it was not my preferene for and desire to wear feminine attire about which she was angry. Her anger lied with my having kept these feelings a secret from her. Like I had said earlier, our relationship had always been built on honesty, and being open with each other about our feelings.