#659082
Stephanie Flowers
Ambassador
Registered On: June 26, 2017
Topics: 35
Replies: 6279
Has thanked: 12277 times
Been thanked: 12934 times

Birdie Welcome , this is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. For you it would be extremely  difficult. I saw the shock  from  my wife as for us we were married for many years and only a short while ago that I opened up to her . The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused.   Seeing her and the hurt  that it caused was hard.  We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it  out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and she with help from a wonderful group we have here exclusive for my wife where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. This group – private  ( wives and significant others ) .

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others/

For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic. Things that I may say First, make sure that this is something you can deal with. If not, you need to make that clear and be honest with him and yourself

Just talk with him and find out how far he wants to take his cding. Find out his likes and how much he wants to dress up. If you can give him some space to store his clothes and some time to dress up. Sounds like you’ve taken the biggest step already in that you want to be supportive. He’s probably afraid of what you may be thinking and if you might leave him. The best way to approach this is to slowly gain his trust by answering his questions and giving advice when he asks for it. There are lots of ways to support your husband firstly – don’t judge, and talk to him, what does he like he is going to be super embarrassed so be nice. most guys have worn womans’ clothes at some point in their life and many still like to wear them.

First, figure out how far you’re comfortable with it. Some women simply tolerate and let their men enjoy it around the house while others totally embrace it and openly accompany their men in public as “girlfriends”. Also find out how far he wants to take it.

For him: How far does he intend/desire/need to take this to feel happy? Some men are content just “underdressing”, that is having the feel of something soft and feminine against their skin under their regular clothes. Some men want the whole outfit — undergarments, skirt/blouse or dress, whatever. Some men want to just briefly visit the total world of womanhood by adding the fake breasts, makeup, wig, etc. Some separate their “girl” time from the rest of their day by also going by a female-sounding name. Of those, some are perfectly fine (or even prefer) just staying home to do this, but others need to feel validated by attempting to pass in public and meet up with fellow part-time girls. men most of the time but need a little break from society’s demands on masculinity. But what if he wants to go farther? What if he wants to dress that way all the time, have you call him “her” and use a girl’s name? What if he wants hormone replacement therapy to grow real breasts? What if he wants the surgery? Now we’re talking serious and (more or less) permanent life-changing choices, and not many women are OK with that. Think of it as a breach of contract: You married him on the understanding that he was a straight, monogamous male and now he wants to change the terms of the contract you agreed to. So you should not feel obligated to accept that change or guilty about not wanting to support it. On the other hand, maybe your relationship is stronger, and more important to you, than a little thing like a sex change can’t stop that train.

Let’s assume for the moment that he is a straight, monogamous male who fully identifies as male and has no intention of any kind of permanent change. There’s still that whole range I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, and you probably have a line in your mind you’re not willing — or prepared — to cross, at least not yet. By the same token, though, he has an itch that has to be scratched one way or the other. I can tell you right now that it is very unlikely he will be able to suppress it completely, or permanently. Every crossdresser has gone through a purge process where we tell ourselves this was only a temporary phase; we throw out all our girly clothes and ignore that itch as long as we can. Some succeed! I have friends who, for religious reasons, feel compelled to suppress that urge and they have been very successful at doing so. If that’s something your husband is interested in. But they’re the exception. For most crossdressers, the compulsion is so strong that the longer we try to suppress it, the more of a psychological and emotional toll it costs. If you are unwilling to give in even a little bit, he’s going to have a very rough time of it

Other men have found similar halfway points: OK to dress at home, but not in public. OK to dress in public, but not where anybody knows you (e.g., another town). Everything except breasts is OK. Everything including breasts, but no female name. Dress and call yourself whatever you want, but go back to being all man when we’re being intimate. Do whatever you want, but not while the wife is around (“don’t ask, don’t tell”). When she really can’t bear the sight of him in femme mode, they can agree to give him specific days when he can do whatever he wants while she’s away from the house, but the rest of the time he agrees to be the man she married.

You get the idea. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And nothing is set in stone. If you’re not comfortable with it, over time your boundaries may move. The important thing here is transparency: Once you’ve agreed to the boundaries, it’s on him to stick to what you agreed to until you’re ready to move on. I have absolutely no tolerance or sympathy for men who lie to their wives. Once that foundation of trust is demolished, it can take a lifetime to build it back up.

As a dress-wearing husband to an understanding wife, I thank you for taking this step to understand your man’s needs.

Many face this troubling ordeal but be assured you have support and help from everyone here . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as  you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.

 

Stephanie 🌷

 

 

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